Here's a public service announcement for any and all worker bees who bike to work at obscenely early hours: Don't be surprised if you're shot at with fireworks at 3:45 in the morning on your commute. I mean, I was, but if you're prepared maybe you'll react quicker than I did. In my defense, it was pre-caffeine of any kind and I wasn't as alert as I wish I had been. As I was pulling into the driveway at work, a car that had been trailing me for a block or two open-fired a roman candle to my back. Multiple times (or maybe multiple candles, it was hard to tell). And with that drive-by shooting yesterday, you can imagine that these noises resembling gunshots kinda freaked me out until I saw colored sparks.

And to the d-bag (and friends? damn tinted windows) who were responsible for this beyond shitty start to my day, you are a juvenile prick who should probably channel more time and energy into something productive like GETTING LAID EVER. You got away with your fucked-up prank this time. Next time I'm hurling my bike lock through your windshield and calling the cops.


Gee, I wish there was some established online outlet for venting about such scum of the earth.

  • allspark fireworks