NO, YOU’RE THE FASCIST!

RE: “Things to Do” [April 25], in which former Senior Editor Megan Burbank recommended former secretary of state Madeline Albright’s April 26 appearance at Revolution Hall. “We’re not great at listening to women secretaries of state who tell us the godawful truth about terrible men and threats to democracy, but I think we’d better get our act together for Secretary Albright,” Burbank wrote. “She’s a trailblazing heroine with an urgent message. Listen up.”

Ms. Burbank, I find it hard to listen to Madeleine Albright not because I’m a man but because she’s a vile militarist. Remember when, as secretary of state, she said of the deaths of half a million Iraqi children due to US sanctions that “the price is worth it”? I’ve never forgotten. I take Albright at her word, especially when she’s confessing war crimes. Are you really so gullible and ignorant that you believe a person as depraved as Albright is “a trailblazing heroine”? Who’s the fascist now?

barecone

GO BY BIKE

RE: “Better Naito Has Returned! All Hail Better Naito!” [Blogtown, April 30] Managing Editor Erik Henriksen’s post about the welcome return of the Better Naito project, which seasonally reserves one of Naito Parkway’s four lanes for bicycle and pedestrian traffic. “In addition to reducing pollution and making biking on the West side dramatically more safe and welcoming,” Henriksen wrote, “the city’s also found that closing one of the street’s lanes to cars has a negligible effect on traffic.”

It’s true. You get the occasional West Hills driver who stops beneath the Hawthorne Bridge spillway to figure out what’s going on, but the traffic moves briskly even with Better Naito in place. As for the West Hills folks, it’s hard to resist nature: These are the same folks who drop their speed by 10 mph just to read the highway alert signs as they drive in and out of the tunnel.

phlegmmy

CALLING ALL SINGLE CHRISTIAN MEGABABES!

RE: Single Christian megababes!

Hey Mercury! I somehow made it in the Portland meat market and landed a great dude, but my poor dear brother is single AF and Christian on top of that. He’s pretty high-quality, so I don’t know why he’s still single—but I also think he’s above generic personals ads. Can you put out the word for single Christian megababes seeking successful Jesus-lovin’ marriage material?

Thaaaaaaanks,
North Avenue Sister

UNREADABLE

RE: THESE VERY WORDS.

I just noticed that the Portland Mercury has a tiny font. The font is like... a four? Maybe a three? I know that newspapers have a slightly smaller font than, y’know, my college term paper, but this is just unreadable. It’s a headache! And yes, I need glasses. No, the text isn’t blurry. It’s just too tiny. If you could raise it even half a font point, that would really help. It’s so hard to read. Especially Hall Monitor, where the font is a different font than the main body of the paper. That font, and its tiny size, is almost unreadable without a magnifying glass. And I read dictionaries all the time! Those are tiny fonts. I read phone books! I read fine print on labels and medications just fine. But your newspaper’s font is tiny. Super tiny! Like, you’re competing with candy wrapper labels for the tiniest font! It’s almost unreadable. So please raise your font size by a half point. It’s just too small.

Anonymous, via voicemail

Thanks for breaking out the magnifying glass to read the Mercury, anonymous font critic! For your efforts, we’re giving you the Mercury’s letter of the week—along with two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater, where all the films’ subtitles and credits are beautifully bright and bold.