OLD LADY RANTS

RE: Good Morning, News!, the Mercury’s daily roundup of national and local news—a column now under the august leadership of News Editor Alex Zielinski and News Reporter Kelly Kenoyer.

I turned 39 last weekend, so I guess you can file this under “old lady rants,” but enough with the inane GIFs in Good Morning, News! I love Good Morning, News! The satisfying combo of local and national tidbits with a twist of snark has long been a morning staple for me. But now I can’t avoid the seizure-inducing stupidness of all the damn four-frame cartoons on endless loop! Don’t even try to tell me that they constitute some kind of post-modern meta commentary. They’re lazy and they aren’t even funny. Please—please!—don’t outsource the news to GIPHY.

A fan

NEWSPAPER FIGHT!

RE: “‘Reversed His Position’ Is the New York Times’ Secret Code for ‘He LIED’” [Blogtown, May 3], Editor-in-Chief Wm. Steven Humphrey’s story about the Times’ use of the terms “reversed his decision” and “contradicts his earlier claims” in their coverage of Donald Trump’s alleged bribery of Stormy Daniels. “‘Contradicts earlier claims?’” Humphrey wrote. “That Trump is a serial liar is now beyond dispute—in fact, the president has lied OVER 3,000 TIMES since taking office, according to the Washington Post—so it’s getting increasingly suspicious that the New York Times still refuses to call what is clearly a lie, a goddamn LIE.”

Your problem is having any actual faith in the quality of the NYT’s reporting. It’s been shit for decades, mate.

The cat’s pajamas

Yes, the New York Times is a real newspaper, one that aspires to neutrality and integrity and decorum, even when dealing with those that the journalists as individuals find patently objectionable. It’s a thing that few places still do, and you can bet that the journalists use stronger language in private, but on the page they are professionals. If you want invective name-calling, check out MSNBC or Fox or social media or this weekly. [HEY!—Eds.] If you want the adults to be in charge again one day, as I do, consider appreciating and cultivating an adult voice.

DesperatelySeekingSubtlety

NO ONE CALLS HIM THAT

RE: Representation Matters: The Mercury Election Endorsements for May 15, 2018; [Feature, May 2], our rundown of who you should vote for and why. Of the race for Oregon’s 3rd congressional district, we wrote, “While some contenders in the primary race against US Congressman Earl Blumenauer bring youthful vigor to the table, none of them offer the kind of experience or backing that would get them to the Blum’s level.”

I, Eric Hafner, am running in the Third Congressional District challenging incumbent Earl Blumenauer in the Democratic Primary election. Incumbent Earl “Blood Money Bigot” Bluemenauer [Nobody calls him that.—Eds.] voted to federally ban gay marriage [This vote was in 1996; in a 2011 apology, Bluemenauer called it “the worst vote of my political career.”—Eds], supports the anti-worker, anti-union, anti-environment Trans-Pacific Partnership [Okay, he did support the original version of the TPP... which never went into effect.—Eds], and gets most of his money from Nike, which is infamous for their use of sweatshops overseas and now has a sexual harassment scandal right here in Oregon [Nike isn’t even among Bluemenauer’s top 10 2018 donors.—Eds]. I am a socialist Democrat who supports Legalizing All Drugs, Free Public Transportation for All, and Ending Gun Violence. While the groovy people at the Mercury didn’t talk to me for their endorsements, you can still visit my website http://www.EricHafner.com to get the info on my campaign. Vote HAFNER for Congress by May 15, 2018!

Eric Hafner for US Congress Portland

The election results have yet to be determined, Eric—but if nothing else, your intensity has won you the Mercury’s letter of the week, along with two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater! Maybe you and Earl can go see a movie?