Have you ever had some weird physical malady that was completely unexplainable... until you stumbled upon some weird arcane explanation that totally explained it? THAT JUST HAPPENED TO ME! Dude...


For as long as I can remember (and I swear to God, I'm not joking about this), I have experienced an intermittent tingling sensation in my thigh—that's not unlike the feeling of a cellphone vibrating in my pocket (which I was fooled into thinking on numerous occasions). Naturally, I assumed I had thigh cancer and ignored it. BUT THEN I READ THIS LIFE-ALTERING ARTICLE! From MSNBC.com

When [Parmeeta Ghoman] wore a pair of super-tight skinny jeans to dinner with friends in December, she noticed an odd tingly sensation running up and down her thighs. And when she got up to walk around, things got weirder. She felt like she was almost "floating," because she couldn't feel her legs. “It felt really strange — it felt like my leg had gone to sleep,” Ghoman says.

Ghoman’s skin-tight denim may have caused a temporary bout of a nerve condition called meralgia paresthetica, also known as “tingling thigh syndrome.” The condition can happen when constant pressure — in Ghoman's case, from the skin-tight denim — cuts off the lateral femoral cutaneous nerve, causing a numb, tingling or burning sensation along the thigh.

THAT'S WHAT I'VE GOT! THAT'S WHAT I'VE GOT! Now, you might be thinking, "Well, Steve… why don't you simply just take off those tight pants?" to which I would respond, "You first!" I'm sorry, but there is no freaking way I'm going to dress like those clinically insane idiots who walk around wearing baggy jeans and looking like goddamn circus clowns. Besides, covering up a slice of sweet and juicy ham (like the one that currently resides in my pants) would be a sin of the greatest proportion—and if that means living with a tad of meralgia paresthetica? THEN SO BE IT!

Besides, according to Parmeeta Ghoman, there is another solution.

“Have you heard of these things — they’re called jeggings? Or treggings?” she asks. She's talking about a type of leggings made to look like super-tight jeans. “I haven’t tried them yet, but people are saying they’re comfortable.”


Yeah, I'm not going to do that either.