In case you have constructive things to do with your time and do not already know it, the creators of The Jersey Shore have a reality show about a lady who runs a celebrity-frequented LA nail salon called the Painted Nail. The key to its success appears to be the free booze:

Yes, it does look awful, but if we're honest with ourselves, I think most of us can admit that if we were super stoned and feeling waaayyy too lazy to change the channel, we'd watch it. Except for the "shizballs" part. I like to think I would be able to muster it to escape that, even under the weight of a million bong hits. Anyhow, the reason I'm telling you about these things (remember five minutes ago when you were blissfully ignorant of the show's existence? Pour some out for your formal self. You're on the other side of a certain line now, and you can never go back.), is because the show's star, Katie "I'm the Queen of Nails" Cazorla, is heading to Portland in a couple weeks (August 12-13) and giving free manicures to the public. FREE MANICURES. Now, obviously this might be a perfectly horrible, mobbed out, half-assed event, so ask yourself: How cheap am I? While you're thinking about it, I've got some inquiries out for the details. Don't you worry!