The 6th Day
Arnold Schwarzenegger stars as a goose-steppin' kraut who gets his Aryan panties in a bunch when scientists clone his Nazi rat bastard ass. 82nd Avenue, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Mall, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza , Westgate

Aimee & Jaguar
World War II is shuddering to an end, Berlin in ruins. Felice (MariaSchrader), a member of the Jewish underground, and Lilly (Juliane Kohler), a mother of four children, are also playing out a battle against propriety: complications lead Lilly to the discovery that she can love women as well, particularly Felice, who wants an eternity composed of "now." Based on Erika Fischer's book (in which the two lovers give each other the titular "secret" names), the details convince even when the acting's erratic. (Ray Pride) Cinema 21

Almost Famous
Cameron Crowe's film about groupies, Lester Bangs, and learning to ROCK in the '70s. Broadway Metroplex, Kiggins Theater, Lake Twin Cinema, Washington Square Center

On her way to participate in the Miss American Miss pageant, a young woman is forced to reevalute her decision. Starring Minnie Driver and directed by The Flying Nun (Sally Field). Koin Center

Brendan Fraser makes faustian deals with the devil (all tits and ass and Elizabeth Hurley)! Century Eastport 16, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Washington Square Center

* Best In Show
Christopher Guest's latest with Eugene Levy follows several dog owners on their quest for the blue ribbon at the 2000 Mayflower Kennel Club Dog Show. A well-executed, ridiculous little film lovingly mining ridiculous little people's ridiculous little lives. Century Eastport 16, Fox Tower 10, Lloyd Mall, Lloyd Mall, Tigard Cinemas

Billy Elliot
An ADORABLE film about a SWEET boy who wants to DANCE instead of mine coal. Century Eastport 16, City Center 12, Fox Tower 10, Lloyd Mall, Lloyd Mall, Moreland Theater, Movies on TV

Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows
Here are a few things you might consider doing instead of seeing the Blair Witch sequel: bleaching your nose hair, shaving your feet, experimenting with RU-486, or watching Alf reruns. Trust me: This film is so bad, no amount of high-priced marketing tools--glitzy trailers, live webcasts, star-studded soundtrack CDs--can save it. And the motivation behind this dreck is all too clear: pure and simple greed. Laurelhurst Theater

Based on the fabric softener by the same name, Ben Affleck and Gwenyth Paltrow star as a sexualized Tweedledee and Tweedledum (emphasis on "dum"). Broadway Metroplex, Century Eastport 16, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Cinemas, Milwaukie 3 Theater, Movies on TV, Tigard Cinemas

Broken Hearts Club
Broken Hearts Club = Your typical Romantic Comedy + lots of gay men - hetero sex scenes. Laurelhurst Theater

* The Butcher Boy
Twelve-year old Francie Brady is a messed up, but oddly charismatic, little Irish boy. At the urging of his demons, including Sinead O'Connor as the Virgin Mary, Francie attacks his neighbors in his gritty Irish town, sets beds on fire and disrupts funerals. Neil Jordan, the director of The Crying Game, delivers a movie sympathetic to Francie's woes. Fifth Avenue Cinemas

* The Cell
Viewed conceptually, this film is remarkable: an acutley visual journey through a serial killer's mind that is both deranged and ethereal. To achieve this, director Tarsem Duamdwar uses special effects in a unique way, one that relies not only on sophisticated, expensive technology, but also preys on your worst fears of sex, violence, and insanity--all presented in surprisingly beautiful aesthetics; Even when Killer D'Onofrio is slowly twirling out the intestines of Vince Vaughn, he does so with delicate scissors in a celestial room adorned with garish, golden decadence. The whole movies smacks of Alice in Wonderland, yet relies on the founding images of Catholicism; at one point Jennifer Lopez appears as Virgin Mary, ready to kill the evil beast with her enormous sword. Unfortunately, Lopez and her co-star Vince Vaughn remain true to the same, paper-thin characters they always play; beautiful, compassionate, out to save the world, blah, blah, blah. But the movie is undoubtedly worth seeing anyway--just think of them as background. (Katia Dunn) Laurelhurst Theater

* Charlie's Angels
I swore it could never be done, but somehow they've taken one of the worst shows in TV history, put in two of the worst actors in Hollywood (Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz), and come up with a comedic gem--and dare I say it?--one of the most hilarious films of the year. In this updated version of the TV show, director McG tips his hat to the classic T&A detective show of the '70s and then has a field day tearing each of its conventions down. The cast is uniformly terrific, especially Cameron Diaz, who plays her role like a giggly, girlish sociopath. (Wm. Steven Humphrey) Century Eastport 16, City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, St. John's Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza

Cinema Verite
Peter Wintonick's award-winning film that explores the evolution of non-fiction media and communications. Northwest Film Center at The Guild Theater

The Contender
Liberals have won the culture wars, and it's embarrassing. In this Hollywood version of the Lewinsky affair (with the Clinton character recast as a woman), the Democrats make all the great speeches you wish they'd made during the 104th Congress and the Republicans are as simply evil and as plainly hypocritical as you wish they were.The Contender plays like it was funded by the DNC and scripted by a college sophomore taking her first Intro to Women's Studies class. The first hour of the movie--featuring murders, behind-the-scenes White House meetings, strong arm politicking, and secret memos--is actually a blast, but once the the trite sermonizing kicks in (Democrats are pro-choice!) you'll start wishing they'd just cut to more footage of the sex scandal. (It seems Senator Laine Hanson, played by Joan Allen, got drunk and fucked a whole crew of boys one night in her past.) A B-movie about a B-rate episode in American history. One plus, though: Allen is fetching. (Josh Feit) Lake Twin Cinema, Laurelhurst Theater

The Crew
Four retired gangsters plan one last heist to raise money for a new colostomy bag. Edgefield Powerstation

* Dancer in the Dark
Lars von Trier's new film may be an self-absorbed intellectual trainwreck, but Bjork is fucking awesome! Fox Tower 10

Not to be confused with Digimon: The Emerging Third Party in the American Political System. Koin Center

Dr. T and the Women
Richard Gere as a gynecologist?? Ewwwwwwww!! Cinemagic

Elvis on Tour
See the King in all his seam-popping glory in this concert film which documents his 1970-71 US tour. Hollywood Theatre

* Emulsion Trough: Queer Films from the Underworld
Portland and national queer film festival. The locals weigh in with Micki Poklar and Daniela Crocetti's film want+need, about queer fantasy. Also showing: sts' Lesbian Movie 2000, filmed at a local party, in which a gaggle of dykes get some action. Hollywood Theatre

The Exorcist
Perhaps one of the greatest and grossest (with the largest amount of vomit per square foot of film ever) movies in recent decades, this 1973 thriller sparked in-theatre hysteria and a new genre of psychological thrillers. The well-known premise mimics every parent's nightmare: That one's child is literally possessed by the devil. Sure, there are the indelible scenes as an adorable, vomit-splattered Linda Blair turns her head 360 degrees and violently masturbates with a crucifix. And, yes, there are the crowd-pleasing insults (to the exorcising priest from the adorable Blair: "your mother sucks cocks in hell"). But, there also are many light touches-such as the bumbling detective desperately trying to score a date, the thieving priest who steals whiskey from confessing sinners and the chain-smoking doctor who gives Blair a spinal tap-that earned the movie nine Academy nominations (but only award) and four Golden Globes. Eastgate

Four Wall Cinema
Two films curated by Alan LeTourneau: Ernie Gehr's 1991, award-winning Side/Walk/Shuttle, filmed entirely in a glass elevator in San Francisco and challenging perspective with a metaphor for cinema. Also, 9/1/75 James Benning's potentially chilling tour of a Wisconsin campground. Elizabeth Leach Gallery

* Girl on the Bridge
Patrice Leconte (Ridicule) has recently been outshined by the directors of the so-called "new new wave," which is unfortunate, as he is certainly one of the best directors working in France.Girl on the Bridge offers further evidence. A ravishing, breezily paced tale of amour fou,Girl on the Bridge stars Daniel Auteuil as a Svengali-like knife-thrower who meets his perfect foil in Vanessa Paradis' Adele. What makes the film great, though, is Leconte's feel for the effect of place on people: The roads are beckoning, Monte Carlo is impulsive, and Istanbul is confusion itself. Auteuil is never less than his dour self, and Paradis-a gap-toothed woman, it's worth noting-is stunning throughout. Cinemagic

In Brooklyn's Red Hook district, Punchy Diana wants nothing more than to kick some ass in the ring, but nasty Daddy poo-poos the idea. It's an interesting, moving story with a bunch of crappy sub-plots seeping in to ruin the whole thing. Bagdad Theater

Goya in Bordeaux
A dull, laughably pretentious attempt to portray the painter's twilight reminiscences, Goya in Bordeaux marks a definite nadir in Carlos Saura's career. The elder, barrel-bellied Goya smugly pontificates to his daughter about the tragedies and obligations of being an artist; his younger self mulls over the compromises inherent in being a court painter and the agonies of loving a notorious mistress. Neither appears smart enough to paint a bathroom wall, let alone the masterpieces that are liberally scattered throughout the film. Fox Tower 10

This 1949 film stars Olivia de Havilland as an unloved spinster who falls noggin over noodle for a money-grubbing gold-digger (Montgomery Clift). Northwest Film Center at Whitsell Auditorium

How the Grinch Stole Christmas
Jim Carrey stars in this film adaptation of Steinbeck's classic novel, Of Mice and Men. Century Eastport 16, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza, Westgate

* Human Resources
A stinky title for a swell, smart film about parallels between unions and bosses, fathers and sons. University student Frank takes a management position at the small-town factory where his father has worked for 30 years. He discovers that the bosses are exploitative scum and winds up leading a strike, while realizing that since childhood his father has infused him with shame for being working class. Terrific performances from the leads and cameo actors. (Stacey Levine) Fox Tower 10

I'm the One that I Want
Margaret Cho made a terrible sitcom a while back--All-American Girl--and this straightforward record of her recent standup act recounts her struggles with weight, alcohol, and pernicious self-doubt that resulted from its failure. Cho isn't a particularly insightful comic, but she sure knows how to go after a laugh. What's funny here is gleefully, howlingly funny. Her personal emancipation, however, doesn't quite flow freely from the rest of her material; the show strains whenever she stops to hit a nail on the head. As a result, it's the scruffy, playful stuff that fares much better, including priceless takes on her mother, a testy Karl Lagerfeld behind bars, and a fag hag navigating her pals through the Underground Railroad.(Steve Wiecking) Fox Tower 10

L.A. Confidential
Kevin Spacey and Russell Crowe star in this watchable noir adaptation of James Ellroy's novel about corruption in 1950's L.A. Laurelhurst Theater

The Legend of Bagger Vance
Bagger Vance opens with Jack Lemmon having a heart attack on a golf course, which sets the tone for the whole movie. Lying in the rough, Lemmon starts to narrate a story about how, when he was 10 years old, he and a mystical caddy named Bagger Vance (Will Smith) helped keep local golfer Rannulph Junuh (Matt Damon) from embarrassing himself in an exhibition match against the two greatest golfers in America. You see, Junuh "lost his swing" when he saw his buddies die in WWI, and he needs the love of a pretty good woman (Charlize Theron), the faith of a child, and some Zen-like advice from a mystical caddy to get it back. UnlikeSpace Cowboys, Clint Eastwood's practical take on old age and death, Redford's film about death and dying is chock full of nostalgia but not mortality. Maybe he needs a little more experience before he takes on his next project. (Andy Spletzer) Broadway Metroplex, Century Eastport 16, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Lake Twin Cinema, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza

Legend of the Drunken Master
Miramax attempts to make a little more money by dubbing Jackie Chan's Drunken Master II into English, and then re-releasing it. Meanwhile, fans of the Crow series have demanded a boycott of the film, in a harebrained attempt to convince Miramax to release The Crow: Salvation. Angry Jackie Chan fans responded by arguing that a boycott of Legend of the Drunken Master only really hurts Jackie Chan. Blood is gonna fly! Mark our words! Avalon Theatre, Laurelhurst Theater

Little Nicky
Adam Sandler stars as the son of Satan in the 35th Devil-themed film of the year. Could it be that the true millennium is really scheduled for New Years Eve, 2001--like the Quakers said? God help us! 82nd Avenue, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Mall, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza, Westgate

* Meatballs
Hilarity and heartbreak ensue when Bill Murray, as a camp activity director, instructs his charges to find themselves through the power of "fun." Much better than its remake, The Dead Poet's Society, and with more fart jokes. Fifth Avenue Cinemas

* Meet the Parents
Jewish complications ensue when Ben Stiller meets the pop of his new g-friend, Robert DeNiro. Century Eastport 16, City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Cinemas, Milwaukie 3 Theater, Movies on TV, St. John's Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza

Men Of Honor
Why are you even thinking of seeing this movie (A biopic about the first black underwater salvage expert that soaks Robert De Niro, sinks China Gooding, and drowns the audience with every cliche of the military movie genre, never mind that they all contradict each other.) when you haven't seen Bamboozled, the Spike Lee about the TV show with the guys in blackface? Bamboozled is a lead balloon, but interesting leaden. Bamboozled gives Damon Wayans an unlikable, peculiar role that he inhabits fully. Bamboozled has a few minor characters that aren't pure cliché, most notably Paul Mooney as Wayans's father. Bamboozled has Savion Glover in a hideously underwritten role, but he dances--Lawsamighty, do he dance! Bamboozled ... oh, it closed already? Well, whose fault is that? (Barley Blair) Broadway Metroplex, City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Eastgate, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza , Westgate

* The Nightmare Before Christmas
This movie is truly a wonderful thing. The animation is incredible, the visualization is fine, and the story--about the forces of Dark and Light as played out by Halloween and Christmas--is easy to follow when drunk. But the songs, by the great Danny Elfman, are the real reason to see the film. The Halloween re-release certainly feels like wanton capitalism, but we'll forgive them. (Jamie Hook) Hollywood Theatre

Nurse Betty
Betty (Renée Zellweger), a diner waitress, settles comfortably into a thick confusion after accidentally witnessing her sleazy drug-dealer husband's murder. She instantly blocks out reality, and drives to Los Angeles in pursuit of her favorite soap-opera character, whom she believes is her long-lost true love. On paper, this sounds great-onscreen it's surprisingly disappointing. After watching these relentless caricatures strut around for 112 minutes, it's difficult to keep caring, and to keep rooting for Betty in earnest. (Min Liao) Bagdad Theater, Kiggins Theater, Koin Center, Laurelhurst Theater, Mission Theater

The Original Kings of Comedy
Another of Spike Lee's so-called "jointz," this one being a documentary which shows stand-up comics Steve Harvey, Cedric the Entertainer, D.L. Hughley and Bernie Mac in action. Kennedy School Theatre, Koin Center

Pay it Forward
After having been instructed by his social studies teacher to make the world a more benevolent place, Haley Joel Osment starts at the bottom, where the bums live amid burning oil cans, of course. About five minutes into his effort, Osment thinks he's failed and that the world is, in fact, shit. It's a performance that'll probably earn somebody an Oscar, but it just made me feel like kicking a kid in the teeth. (Kathleen Wilson) 82nd Avenue, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Washington Square Center,

A Perfect Storm
Plot: Fishermen fight storm in hopes of getting home to some pussy. Protagonists: Marky Mark, Dr. Ross, Happy's competitor in Happy Gilmore, a few guys who are in every other movie, some no-names. Villains: Hurricane Grace, backed by two other vengeful storms. The money-grubbing boat owner. Perks: Awesome special effects: 50-foot sea swells, water rescues, hurricane clouds etc. Downers: Canned dialogue, excessive machismo, totally stupid ending. Recommendation: If you're looking for a marijuana freak-out, smoke some and head to this flick. If you're looking for an Academy Award Nominee, forget it. (Katie Shimer) Avalon Theatre, Kennedy School Theatre, Koin Center, Mission Theater, Movie House,

Red Planet
Humankind seems to be absolutely screwed for this one reason: When in trouble, we send Val Kilmer to save us. Even if you can grin and bear that we would we send a half-dozen nitwits and a malfunctioning robot to colonize Mars, the action never really kicks in. Kilmer is like watching Forest Gump in space: Sent in tincan spaceships circa 1975, Kilmer and his peas-and-carrots soulmate Carrie-Anne Moss crash their primitive moon-lander and afterwards scramble around a mostly barren planet. For intrigue and human chemistry, the NASA channel puts this movie to shame. The only really valuable piece of information that this movie delivers is: Never travel anywhere with Val Kilmer. City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Eastgate, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Mall, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza , Westgate

Remember the Titans
Denzel Washington coaches a bi-racial high school football team. Will they win the big game? Or more importantly, will they have any nudie locker room scenes? 82nd Avenue, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Mall, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Vancouver Plaza , Washington Square Center

* Requiem for a Dream
The yuks keep flying in this Disney-produced user's manual for heroin addiction. Fox Tower 10

Rugrats in Paris: The Movie
Finding a quality movie for your kid to watch is an idea that functions pretty much along the same lines as why a heroin dealer has a vested interest in providing only the finest smack for his clientele. He could cut his opiates with shoe polish and his patrons wouldn't really mind. But take heart! For this is the season when the entertainment industry presents its most enticing new kiddy-crack. Why waste time dabbling in the waters of those fancy foreigners with their unintelligible offerings (Teletubbies, Pokemon, etc.) or those epileptic fit-inducing upstarts who employ every cheap trick involving violence, sex, and subliminal messaging (everything on Fox Kids, for example). Your child does not need variety--your child needs success! And you know full well that the Rugrats have been, are, and for some time to come will be the bearers of the formula for success. Sing when you're winning, my friends, sing when you're winning. (Kudzai Mudede) Century Eastport 16, City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Mall, Lloyd Mall, Milwaukie 3 Theater, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Vancouver Plaza , Washington Square Center

Scary Movie
Though I can't say Scary Movie was particularly witty, or even clever, the cast performs their over-the-top slapstick with such good-natured intentions, it's hard not to be swept up in the fun. Sure, there are the requisite off-color jokes directed at gays, potheads, teen sex, and the mentally challenged, but unlike the Farrelly brothers (Something About Mary, Kingpin), Wayans delivers punchlines as a nudge in the ribs rather than a slap across the face. (Wm. Steven Humprey) Avalon Theatre, Koin Center

* The Sorrow and the Pity
Marcel Ophul's amazing documentary about life in occupied France during World War II. See review this issue. Northwest Film Center at Whitsell Auditorium,

The Tao of Steve
The Tao of Steve: 101 ways to bag a babe and keep her coming back for more. Dex, a fat intellectual slob, formulates and follows his plan for sexual success, insisting to his friends that the number one way to attract women is to ignore them. Through the magic of make-believe, this tactic works. The pot smoking jelly-belly has a harem of women sending him the booty call. What is his secret? What is the attraction? Could it be the charming afterglow from his morning bong hit? Is it the crushing weight of his huge gut? No one knows or cares, because in real life Dex is just one of the many loser pot-heads that move about in packs, not as couples. (Karrin Ellertson) Laurelhurst Theater, Mission Theater

Twilight Man
Not quite a narrative piece, this 55-minute feature by local filmmaker Brent Heise is about a man whose delusional, semi-comical business ethic is challenged when he meets a religious leader. Fifth Avenue Cinemas

* The Underneath
Steven Soderbergh's fine remake of Criss-Cross starring Peter Gallagher as a recovering gambling addict who develops a dangerous obsession with his ex-wife. Northwest Film Center at The Guild Theater

Urban Legends:Final Cut
While working on her film thesis (a documentary about "urban legends"), a student becomes deeply annoyed when a murderer begins systematically killing her entire crew. Koin Center

What's Cooking?
"What's cooking?" is the titular question in this cinematic smorgasboard, which takes the sacramental Thanksgiving feast as its raison d'etre. Director Gurinder Chadha serves up a delicious stew of four minority families on everyone's favorite turkey day, and doesn't skimp on the visual gravy!! With such stars as Alfre Woodard and Joan Chen in the stuffing, this is one filmic feast is enough to make you break your celluloid diet. Fox Tower 10

The Wizard of Oz
From the Internet: "A young girl wakes up in a strange land and kills the first woman she sees." Kennedy School Theatre

* X-Ray Vision
A world premiere documentary about one of Portland's favorite night-spots, the late, great X-Ray Cafe. Clinton Street Theatre