102 Dalmatians
102 Dalmatians is almost as good as 101 Dalmatians. 102 Dalmatians was really funny but pretty boring, because it seemed really long. The parts that were good were really good, but the parts that were bad were really bad. For example, the movie wasn't very exciting because almost half of it was dating and talking about stupid stuff. (Sam & Maggie, age nine) Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, St. John's Theater, Vancouver Plaza, Washington Square Center, Westgate, Wilsonville

The 6th Day
Arnold Schwarzenegger stars as a goose-steppin' kraut who gets his Aryan panties in a bunch when scientists clone his Nazi rat bastard ass. 82nd Avenue, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Mall, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza, Westgate

Aimee & Jaguar
World War II is shuddering to an end, Berlin in ruins. Felice (Maria Schrader), a member of the Jewish underground, and Lilly (Juliane Kohler), a mother of four children, are also playing out a battle against propriety: Complications lead Lilly to the discovery that she can love women as well, particularly Felice, who wants an eternity composed of "now." Based on Erika Fischer's book (in which the two lovers give each other the titular "secret" names), the details convince even when the acting's erratic. (Ray Pride) Fox Tower 10

Almost Famous
Cameron Crowe's film about groupies, Lester Bangs, and learning to ROCK in the '70s. Avalon Theatre, Bagdad Theater, Edgefield Powerstation, Kiggins Theater, Koin Center, Lake Twin Cinema, Laurelhurst Theater

Barenaked in America
Barenaked Ladies are the quirky Canadians who scored radio hits with "One Week" and "It's All Been Done"; Barenaked in America is the aimless popumentary directed by Jason Priestley that would indicate This is Spinal Tap isn't being re-released north of the border. Check the listings for their VH1 Behind the Music instead. (Jason Pagano) Fox Tower 10

* Best In Show
Christopher Guest's latest with Eugene Levy follows several dog owners on their quest for the blue ribbon at the 2000 Mayflower Kennel Club Dog Show. A well-executed, ridiculous little film lovingly mining ridiculous little people's ridiculous little lives. Century Eastport 16, Fox Tower 10, Lloyd Cinemas, Lloyd Mall, Tigard Cinemas

Billy Elliot
An ADORABLE film about a SWEET boy who wants to DANCE instead of mine coal. Century Eastport 16, City Center 12, Fox Tower 10, Lloyd Mall, Lloyd Mall, Moreland Theater, Movies on TV

So it's a given that Gwyneth and Ben are only in movies because they're fun to look at (everyone one knows they can't act) but in this movie, they aren't even pleasing to the eyes! Well, OK, Ben is a little bit, especially in the scenes when he's an yuppie drunk, walking around half dressed and unshaven in his sexy J. Crew undies. (There's also a very nice shower scene with him.) But Gwyneth! She takes the helpless waif act way too far in this movie--she's basically just standing around quivering and crying in every scene, saying things like, "Please! Don't feel sorry for me because I'm a widow and and I'm stuck selling real estate with two kids, sob sob." But of course Ben does feel sorry for her, and then they fall in love even though he was the one that was supposed to be dead instead of her husband, and then Ben sobers up and starts wearing whole J Crew suits rather than just the undies, and everyone is happy and in love, blahbeddity blah. Broadway Metroplex, Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Wilsonville

Improv Comedy Hollywood Theatre

Bring it On
High school cheerleaders must endure endless practices and bikini waxes to compete in the national championships! Avalon Theatre, Bagdad Theater, Koin Center, Laurelhurst Theater

* British Advertising Awards
British commercials have it all over the Americans! Come see how the Limeys do it in this evening of ads that cross far beyond the usual boundaries. Northwest Film Center at The Guild Theater

The Broken Hearts Club
Let's be frank: This film is so profoundly awful that it inadvertently succeeds in performing the tremendous social service of euthanizing the subgenre of the once-viable "gay film." God, it's bad. I will waste your time by telling you that the film is about a group of gay men in LA looking for meaning in their lives. I will further bore you with the details that the protagonist is an "artist," and that the Broken Hearts Club is the name of the men's all-gay softball team, and that every character is a stereotype: the Ecstasy-snorting party boy, the fresh-from-the-closet "newbie," the macho sex addict, the ugly fag. But I can write no more. This film simply doesn't deserve it. (Jamie Hook) Hollywood Theatre

* The Butcher Boy
12 old Francie Brady is a messed up, but oddly charismatic, little Irish boy. At the urging of his demons, including Sinead O'Connor as the Virgin Mary, Francie attacks his neighbors in his gritty Irish town, sets beds on fire and disrupts funerals. Neil Jordan, the director of The Crying Game, delivers a movie sympathetic to Francie's woes. Fifth Avenue Cinemas

* The Cell
Viewed conceptually, this film is remarkable: an acutley visual journey through a serial killer's mind that is both deranged and ethereal. To achieve this, director Tarsem Duamdwar uses special effects in a unique way, one that relies not only on sophisticated, expensive technology, but also preys on your worst fears of sex, violence, and insanity--all presented in surprisingly beautiful aesthetics; Even when killer D'onofrio is slowly twirling out the intestines of Vince Vaughn, he does so with delicate scissors in a celestial room adorned with garish, golden decadence. The whole movies smacks of Alice in Wonderland, yet relies on the founding images of Catholicism; at one point Jennifer Lopez appears as Virgin Mary, ready to kill the evil beast with her enormous sword. Unfortunately, Lopez and her co-star Vince Vaughn remain true to the same, paper-thin characters they always play; beautiful, compassionate, out to save the world, blah, blah, blah. But the movie is undoubtedly worth seeing anyway--just think of them as background. (Katia Dunn) Koin Center, Laurelhurst Theater

* Charlie's Angels
I swore it could never be done, but somehow they've taken one of the worst shows in TV history, put in two of the worst actors in Hollywood (Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz), and come up with a comedic gem--and dare I say it?--one of the most hilarious films of the year. In this updated version of the TV show, director McG tips his hat to the classic T&A detective show of the '70s and then has a field day tearing each of its conventions down. The cast is uniformly terrific, especially Cameron Diaz, who plays her role like a giggly, girlish sociopath. (Wm. Steven Humphrey) Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, St. John's Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza, Wilsonville

* The Charm Bracelet
An exposition of works by local and national filmmakers, live music, visual art, and vegan cupcakes. Although the film quality varies from so-so to incredible, it's a supportive, all-inclusive environment, and a populist voice for the underground or experimental filmmaker. This "Best-of" round includes the world premiere of Dirty Three documenter Braden King's Brokeback, commissioned by the eponymous Chicago band; Alan Langdon's The Poet, a promising self-actualization story filmed in the style of an '80s computer command game; and Flicker, Steve Gevurtz' sleepy experiment with light and physical proximity that unfolds like an impressionist painting. Also showing: Scott Stark, Johanna Hibbard, Michael Annus, Trevor Fife, Julie Orser, David Phillips, Rebecca Myers, and Beau Van Hinklywinkle, with musical performances by Beds and Steve Kramp. Disjecta

* Chinatown
Jack Nicholson gets a snootful of trouble when he gets on the bad side of California real estate developers, and a hotty Faye Dunaway. Northwest Film Center at Whitsell Auditorium

The Contender
Liberals have won the culture wars, and it's embarrassing. In this Hollywood version of the Lewinsky affair (with the Clinton character recast as a woman), the Democrats make all the great speeches you wish they'd made during the 104th Congress and the Republicans are as simply evil and as plainly hypocritical as you wish they were. The Contender plays like it was funded by the DNC and scripted by a college sophomore taking her first Intro to Women's Studies class. The first hour of the movie--featuring murders, behind-the-scenes White House meetings, strong arm politicking, and secret memos--is actually a blast, but once the the trite sermonizing kicks in (Democrats are pro-choice!) you'll start wishing they'd just cut to more footage of the sex scandal. (It seems Senator Laine Hanson, played by Joan Allen, got drunk and fucked a whole crew of boys one night in her past.) A B-movie about a B-rate episode in American history. One plus, though: Allen is fetching. (Josh Feit) Lake Twin Cinema, Laurelhurst Theater

* Dancer in the Dark
Lars von Trier's new film may be an self-absorbed intellectual trainwreck, but Bjork is fucking awesome! Fox Tower 10

Not to be confused with Digimon: The Emerging Third Party in the American Political System. Koin Center

Four Wall Cinema
Two films curated by Alan LeTourneau: Ernie Gehr's 1991, award-winning "Side/Walk/Shuttle", filmed entirely in a glass elevator in San Francisco, and challenging perspective with a metaphor for cinema. Also, "9/1/75" James Benning's potentially chilling tour of a Wisconsin campground. Elizabeth Leach Gallery

Get Carter
Sly Stallone stars as a New York mob enforcer who travels to L.A. for his brother's funeral. When he discovers that his brother had been murdered, Sly sets off to take revenge on the people responsible. BTW, you can place a bid on the goatee Stallone is sporting in this "brilliant" film on eBay. No shit! Avalon Theatre, Koin Center

* Gimme Shelter
Filmed partially at Altamont where audience members were attacked by members of the Hell's Angels, this documentary explores the violence as well as capturing some of the Rolling Stones' greatest performances. Hollywood Theatre

* Girl on the Bridge
Patrice Leconte (Ridicule) has recently been outshined by the directors of the so-called "new new wave," which is unfortunate, as he is certainly one of the best directors working in France. Girl on the Bridge offers further evidence. A ravishing, breezily paced tale of amour fou, Girl on the Bridge stars Daniel Auteuil as a Svengali-like knife-thrower who meets his perfect foil in Vanessa Paradis' Adele. What makes the film great, though, is Leconte's feel for the effect of place on people: The roads are beckoning, Monte Carlo is impulsive, and Istanbul is confusion itself. Auteuil is never less than his dour self, and Paradis--a gap-toothed woman, it's worth noting-is stunning throughout. Cinemagic

Goya in Bordeaux
A dull, laughably pretentious attempt to portray the painter's twilight reminiscences, Goya in Bordeaux marks a definite nadir in Carlos Saura's career. The elder, barrel-bellied Goya smugly pontificates to his daughter about the tragedies and obligations of being an artist; his younger self mulls over the compromises inherent in being a court painter and the agonies of loving a notorious mistress. Neither appears smart enough to paint a bathroom wall, let alone the masterpieces that are liberally scattered throughout the film. Fox Tower 10

How the Grinch Stole Christmas
Jim Carrey stars in this film adaptation of Steinbeck's classic novel, Of Mice and Men. See review this issue. Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza, Westgate, Wilsonville

* Human Resources
A stinky title for a swell, smart film about parallels between unions and bosses, fathers and sons. University student Frank takes a management position at the small-town factory where his father has worked for 30 years. He discovers that the bosses are exploitative scum and winds up leading a strike, while realizing that since childhood his father has infused him with shame for being working class. Terrific performances from the leads and cameo actors. (Stacey Levine) Fox Tower 10

I'm the One that I Want
Margaret Cho made a terrible sitcom a while back--All-American Girl--and this straightforward record of her recent standup act recounts her struggles with weight, alcohol, and pernicious self-doubt that resulted from its failure. Cho isn't a particularly insightful comic, but she sure knows how to go after a laugh. What's funny here is gleefully, howlingly funny. Her personal emancipation, however, doesn't quite flow freely from the rest of her material; the show strains whenever she stops to hit a nail on the head. As a result, it's the scruffy, playful stuff that fares much better, including priceless takes on her mother, a testy Karl Lagerfeld behind bars, and a fag hag navigating her pals through the Underground Railroad. (Steve Wiecking) Fox Tower 10

The Interview
The Interview tells the story of Eddie Fleming, normal dull guy, who is abducted from his flat in the wee hours by Australian police officers who have vague questions about unspecified crimes. The film documents Eddie's interrogation by Detective John Steele at police headquarters. See review this issue. Clinton Street Theatre

* It's A Wonderful Life
Good friends, clumsy angels, and the suicidal banker who learns that the world does revolve around him. Ooh! Ooh! And Zuzu petals! Don't forget Zuzu petals! Kiggins Theater

The Legend of Bagger Vance
Bagger Vance opens with Jack Lemmon having a heart attack on a golf course, which sets the tone for the whole movie. Lying in the rough, Lemmon starts to narrate a story about how, when he was 10 years old, he and a mystical caddy named Bagger Vance (Will Smith) helped keep local golfer Rannulph Junuh (Matt Damon) from embarrassing himself in an exhibition match against the two greatest golfers in America. You see, Junuh "lost his swing," when he saw his buddies die in WWI, and he needs the love of a pretty good woman (Charlize Theron), the faith of a child, and some Zen-like advice from a mystical caddy to get it back. Unlike Space Cowboys, Clint Eastwood's practical take on old age and death, Redford's film about death and dying is chock full of nostalgia but not mortality. Maybe he needs a little more experience before he takes on his next project. (Andy Spletzer) Broadway Metroplex, Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Lake Twin Cinema, Lloyd Cinemas, Milwaukie 3 Theater, Movies on TV, Tigard Cinemas, Washington Square Center, Wilsonville

Legend of the Drunken Master
Miramax attempts to make a little more money by dubbing Jackie Chan's Drunken Master II into English, and then re-releasing it. Meanwhile, fans of the Crow series have demanded a boycott of the film, in a harebrained attempt to convince Miramax to release The Crow: Salvation. Angry Jackie Chan fans responded by arguing that a boycott of Legend of the Drunken Master only really hurts Jackie Chan. Blood is gonna fly! Mark our words! Avalon Theatre, Laurelhurst Theater

Little Nicky
Adam Sandler stars as the son of Satan in the 35th Devil-themed film of the year. Could it be that the true millennium is really scheduled for New Years Eve, 2001--like the Quakers said? God help us! 82nd Avenue, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Mall, Lloyd Mall, Milwaukie 3 Theater, Movies on TV, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza, Westgate

Me & Isaac Newton
Director Michael Apted's documentary which features seven scientists, and what makes these nerds tick! Northwest Film Center at Whitsell Auditorium

* Meet the Parents
Jewish complications ensue when Ben Stiller meets the pop of his new g-friend, Robert DeNiro. Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza, Wilsonville

Men Of Honor
Why are you even thinking of seeing this movie (A biopic about the first black underwater salvage expert that soaks Robert De Niro, sinks China Gooding, and drowns the audience with every cliché of the military movie genre, never mind that they all contradict each other.) when you haven't seen Bamboozled, the Spike Lee about the TV show with the guys in blackface? Bamboozled is a lead balloon, but interesting leaden. Bamboozled gives Damon Wayans an unlikable, peculiar role that he inhabits fully. Bamboozled has a few minor characters that aren't pure cliché, most notably Paul Mooney as Wayans's father. Bamboozled has Savion Glover in a hideously underwritten role, but he dances--Lawsamighty, do he dance! Bamboozled ... oh, it closed already? Well, whose fault is that? (Barley Blair) Broadway Metroplex, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Eastgate, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza, Westgate, Wilsonville

* The Nightmare Before Christmas
This movie is truly a wonderful thing. The animation is incredible, the visualization is fine, and the story--about the forces of Dark and Light as played out by Halloween and Christmas--is easy to follow when drunk. But the songs, by the great Danny Elfman, are the real reason to see the film. The Halloween re-release certainly feels like wanton capitalism, but we'll forgive them. (Jamie Hook) Hollywood Theatre, Laurelhurst Theater

Nurse Betty
Betty (Renée Zellweger), a diner waitress, settles comfortably into a thick confusion after accidentally witnessing her sleazy drug-dealer husband's murder. She instantly blocks out reality, and drives to Los Angeles in pursuit of her favorite soap-opera character, whom she believes is her long-lost true love. On paper, this sounds great--onscreen it's surprisingly disappointing. After watching these relentless caricatures strut around for 112 minutes, it's difficult to keep caring, and to keep rooting for Betty in earnest. (Min Liao) Kiggins Theater, Koin Center, Laurelhurst Theater

Pay it Forward
After having been instructed by his social studies teacher to make the world a more benevolent place, Haley Joel Osment starts at the bottom, where the bums live amid burning oil cans, of course. About five minutes into his effort, Osment thinks he's failed and that the world is, in fact, shit. It's a performance that'll probably earn somebody an Oscar, but it just made me feel like kicking a kid in the teeth. (Kathleen Wilson) 82nd Avenue, Hilltop, Kiggins Theater, Washington Square Center

A Perfect Storm
Plot: Fishermen fight storm in hopes of getting home to some pussy. Protagonists: Marky Mark, Dr. Ross, Happy's competitor in Happy Gilmore, a few guys who are in every other movie, some no-names. Villains: Hurricane Grace, backed by two other vengeful storms. The money-grubbing boat owner. Perks: Awesome special effects: 50-foot sea swells, water rescues, hurricane clouds etc. Downers: Canned dialogue, excessive machismo, totally stupid ending. Recommendation: If you're looking for a marijuana freak-out, smoke some and head to this flick. If you're looking for an Academy Award Nominee, forget it. (Katie Shimer) Movie House, Mt. Hood Theater

Red Planet
Humankind seems to be absolutely screwed for this one reason: When in trouble, we send Val Kilmer to save us. Even if you can grin-and-bear that we would we send a half-dozen nitwits and a malfunctioning robot to colonize Mars, the action never really kicks in. Kilmer is like watching Forest Gump in space: Sent in tincan spaceships circa 1975, Kilmer and his peas-and-carrots soulmate Carrie-Anne Moss crash their primitive moon-lander and afterwards scramble around a mostly barren planet. For intrigue and human chemistry, the NASA channel puts this movie to shame. The only really valuable piece of information that this movie delivers is: Never travel anywhere with Val Kilmer. 82nd Avenue, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Division Street, Eastgate, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Mall, Lloyd Mall, Milwaukie 3 Theater, Movies on TV, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza, Washington Square Center, Wilsonville

Remember the Titans
Denzel Washington coaches a bi-racial high school football team. Will they win the big game? Or more importantly, will they have any nudie locker room scenes? 82nd Avenue, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Mall, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV

* Requiem for a Dream
The yuks keep flying in this Disney-produced user's manual for heroin addiction. Fox Tower 10

Rugrats in Paris: The Movie
Finding a quality movie for your kid to watch is an idea that functions pretty much along the same lines as why a heroin dealer has a vested interest in providing only the finest smack for his clientele. He could cut his opiates with shoe polish and his patrons wouldn't really mind. But take heart! For this is the season when the entertainment industry presents it's most enticing new kiddy-crack. Why waste time dabbling in the waters of those fancy foreigners with their unintelligible offerings (Teletubbies, Pokemon, etc.) or those epileptic fit-inducing upstarts who employ every cheap trick involving violence, sex, and subliminal messaging (everything on Fox Kids, for example). Your child does not need variety--your child needs success! And you know full well that the Rugrats have been, are, and for some time to come will be the bearers of the formula for success. Sing when you're winning my friends, sing when you're winning. (Kudzai Mudede) Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Mall, Lloyd Mall, Milwaukie 3 Theater, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Vancouver Plaza, Washington Square Center, Wilsonville

A mother and her daughter lead separate, but together lives in this award-winning Spanish film. A widow enters the picture, and manages to slowly draw these two together using love and hilarity! Fox Tower 10

Space Cowboys
Three old retired Air Force pilots want one last ride into outer space. Christ! Isn't it bad enough that these old farts always get the beautiful young chicks in the movies? And now they want to go into space, too? Forget it, Grandpa! It's off to the nursing home for you! Cinemagic

Spike & Mike's Classic Festival of Animation
The impressarios of independent animation return with "a whole shitload of new films" that, unfortunately, struggle to provide even a quarter-shitload of humor beyond the same old sex, drug, and grandparent gags that dominate this year's offerings. As always, if you're really, really high, it will undoubtedly be the funniest shit you've seen all night. See review this issue. (Jason Pagano) Cinema 21

The Tao of Steve
The Tao of Steve: 101 ways to bag a babe and keep her coming back for more. Dex, a fat intellectual slob, formulates and follows his plan for sexual success, insisting to his friends that the #1 way to attract women is to ignore them. Through the magic of make-believe, this tactic works. The pot smoking, jelly-belly has a harem of women sending him the booty call. What is his secret? What is the attraction? Could it be the charming afterglow from his morning bong hit? Is it the crushing weight of his huge gut? No one knows or cares, because in real life Dex is just one of the many loser pot-heads that move about in packs, not in couples. (Karrin Ellertson) Laurelhurst Theater

Twilight Man
Not quite a narrative piece, this 55-minute feature by local filmmaker Brent Heise is about a man whose delusional, semi-comical business ethic is challenged when he meets a religious leader. Fifth Avenue Cinemas

Given a blank check after The Sixth Sense, writer/director M. Night Shyamalan has returned the studio S largesse by delivering one of the worst films of the year. See review this issue. (Bruce Reid) Broadway Metroplex, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Eastgate, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Vancouver Plaza, Wilsonville

What Lies Beneath
It's official! Director Robert Zemeckis (Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Forrest Gump) is a washed-up hack. In this latest Sixth Sense ripoff, Zemeckis doesn't even bother trying to come up with any new ideas to bring to the screen, choosing instead to ape what Brian DePalma has been doing for years--aping Alfred Hitchcock. Michelle Pfeiffer and Harrison Ford sink to new acting lows, and while the film still somehow manages to be occasionally entertaining, the jump-out-and-scare-the-shit-out-of-ya shocks can't make up for the waste of time and money. Pass! (Wm. Steven Humprey) Edgefield Powerstation, Koin Center

* White Christmas
Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye and Rosemary Clooney whoop it up for charity at a failing Vermont inn. Because, really, who cares about cancer research or injustice when you can bail out a small business? Kiggins Theater