13 Ghosts
Robert Zemeckis and Joel Silver produced this remake of the William Castle screamer. It stars the great Tony Shalhoub, the pretty great F. Murray Abraham, and a bunch of lessers, as a family that inherits a scary, old, digital mansion powered entirely by energy produced by digital ghosts.

Amélie
A film about a recluse who secretly helps others find love. See review this issue.

* Audition
All right, thrill-seekers and panty-sniffers: Audition begins when a widower, Shigeharu Aoyama (played by Ryo Ishibashi), decides he needs another wife. Being fairly antisocial and looking "old," as his 17-year-old son tells him, the odds that he'll meet a nice lady the traditional way are looking pretty slim. So, he and his movie-making friend decide to hold an audition for a movie, in which young, beautiful women would secretly be auditioning for the part of Aoyama's new wife.

* Autographhss.com w/ Ugly Parade
Prepare to submerge yourself in all kinds of hilarity, both twisted and tongue-in-cheek. First, see Autographhss.com, Andrew Dickson, Bill Bailey, and Steve McDougall's faux documentary about a man in search of autographhss for his burgeoning web business, and his bespectacled, broken-legged sidekick/foil. The humor is thick-yet-subtle, as our heroes get kicked off the Nike headquarters, deal with their snotty 11-year-old web designer, and subject themselves to some modern image consultants. Dickson, as the crutches-bound gofer, will make you laugh yourself into coughing fits. If that's not enough, however, stick around for the first three episodes of the Ugly Parade, Portland's homegrown sicko soap opera. It's the story of Checkers, a slutty, bucktoothed swan who bursts into freestyle rapping whenever she feels anxiety; and the dysfunctional family Mangini, who stage a TV show in their living room to please their sexually frustrated, dying mother. (Julianne Shepherd)

* Bandits
Barry Levinson does what he does best: Grown-up themes of love and life-dreams acted out by characters with the sense of five-year-old boys. Billy Bob Thornton and Bruce Willis, both with extremely bad haircuts, play two escaped inmates (from the Oregon State Penitiery, nonetheless). On the run, the two invent a playful game of kidnapping bank managers and pleasantly robbing vaults. As a hypochondric and self-declared genius, Thornton adds a verve of wry humor to the film.

Basquiat
Based on the life of artist Jean-Michel Basquiat, this film follows his mercurial career from homeless teen to Andy Warhol's inner-circle, and to his untimely death.

Bones
Snoop Dogg stars in a crappy horror film, while still managing to make women hot. A heavy reliance on the public's fear of maggots, a confused plot, and classic horror movie rip-offs (not parody-style) make this movie as lame as a barrell of used douche water. (Katie Shimer)

Comeuppance
Inspired by actual events: After a playful killer poisons a Hong Kong gangster and his buddies at a karaoke bar, a journalist begins penning columns about the murders. Soon, the killer is mimicking and mocking the writer's columns, and the two become engaged in an eerie dance, where it is unclear who is leading who. Although much of the chop suey landscape is familiar, it's still an engrossing film noir.

Domestic Disturbance
John Travolta is the dad, and Vince Vaughn is the stepdad. One of them is a nasty murderer and one of them is an underdog hero. It's up to the kid to decide. How droll is this movie? Even the orthodonic nightmare Steve Buscemi can't make it creepy!

Don't Say A Word
Don't say a word about how fucking lame this movie is? How lurid, ludicrous, and exploitative (hmm, let's see... how can we get Famke Janssen to spend an hour in her underwear...)? How mannered and profligate (how you gonna waste Oliver Platt AGAIN, Hollywood?) and preposterous, verging on the obscene? Okay, I won't. It's about head-shrinker Michael Douglas, his crazy girl patient (Brittany Murphy, who must be just tiny), his laid-up wife (Janssen), their daughter, and the bank-robber terrorists who kidnap her. One thing though: The end, when the bad guys get buried alive in a collapsing grave, is kind of neat. Oh, wait... spoiler alert? (Sean Nelson)

Donnie Darko
It's October 1988, and the era-defining campaign between George Bush I and Michael Dukakis is entering the stretch run. Meanwhile, Donnie Darko (Jake Gyllenhaal) is quite possibly going insane. The teenaged son of a functional but unpleasant upper-middle-class family, Donnie starts having visions of a six-foot-tall demonic-looking bunny named Frank, who warns him of an impending apocalypse. Is Donnie's medication simply not working, or is there something else going on? Can Donnie's English teacher (Drew Barrymore) help? First-time director Richard Kelly has a sure visual sense and concocts an ending that, remarkably, doesn't cop out. At times funny, eerie, and intense, Donnie Darko could be the cinematic square peg you've been looking for. (Marc Mohan)

Down from the Mountain
Footage of the two-day music fest that created the soundtrack to the Coen Brother's O Brother Where Art Thou. And I thought that movie was boring.

* Ghost World
Fans of Daniel Clowes' epochal comic novel about the listless inner teen life have been awaiting this adaptation by Crumb director Terry Zwigoff for years now, and the film delivers, though not in the direct way you might have anticipated. Clowes' super-detached geek queens Enid (Thora Birch) and Rebecca (Scarlett Johansson) have graduated from high school, and, bored, they answer a personals ad placed by über-dork vinyl junkie Seymour (an R. Crumb surrogate played brilliantly by Steve Buscemi) responds. As an experiment, Enid decides to educate Seymour in the ways of love, and her world begins to crumble. (Sean Nelson)

* Glass House
A fairly predictable horror flick with some great near-escape scenes and super evil villians. Ruby's parents die in a car crash and she goes to live in a big freaky house with the Glasses. Unfortunately for her though, they're totally psychotic. (Katie Shimer)

* Heist
Much like in The Spanish Prisoner, playwright and filmmaker David Mamet explores "the long con," in which Gene Hackman, Delroy Lindo, and Danny Devito entangle themselves in a plan to hijack a shipment of gold. With thinly veiled nods to The Maltese Falcon, the script is loaded with clever, repeatable lines, and a twisty-turny plot in which no one can be trusted. While it's never easy to identify with any of the characters, the story clips along at a nice speed, and is involving for at least three-quarters of the picture. Alas, as is often the case, Mamet spins such a tangled web that by the end he loses grasp of the plot, and the denoument is somewhat less than satisfying. Regardless, Heist is still lots of fun for the thinking person who hates having to think too much. (Wm. Steven Humphrey)

* Iron Monkey
The recently re-released Iron Monkey features almost a two-to-one ratio of awesome fight scenes vs. people standing around blabbing. And while the comedy is broad--to say the least!--the mechanics of the martial arts scenes are thrillingly precise, and often gasp-inducing. (Wm. Steven Humphrey)

* The Journey
Nineteen chapters on the effects of war, focusing on the arms race and how it effects hunger, gender inequities, and the media throughout the world. Personal antecdotes from Hiroshima and Hamburg surviors from WWII as well. Monday will be episodes 1 and 2, Tuesday will be episodes 3 and 4.

Joy Ride
A taut, smart thriller directed by John Dahl, the potboiler-switcheroo auteur responsible for such gems as Red Rock West, The Last Seduction, and the very underrated Unforgettable. Steve Zahn (yay) and Paul Walker (zzz) star as two brothers on a road trip who mess around with a CB radio and unintentionally arouse the murderous ire of a psycho truck driver. By the time they pick up Leelee Sobieski (rrr), there's a cross-country chase afoot. Thanks to the gut-churning suspense factor that is Dahl's specialty, the picture seems to be building up to some barely plausible twist. But just when you're trying to figure out who's duping who, the pure modernistic thrill of seeing a big old semi bearing down on some unsuspecting youngsters kicks into high gear. Pure pulpy pleasure.

K-Pax
Cliche plot about a (crazy) person (or is he an alien?) who has a wonderful effect on the patients around him. See also, Powder or Patch Adams.

L.I.E.
L.I.E. (Long Island Expressway) is focused on a teenage boy named Howie, his best friend Gary, and "Big John," a pervy wealthy ex-marine. The film navigates themes of adolescent apathy and petty crime, as well as the sensual side of pedophilia, somehow without demonizing its characters. The dangerous mire of teen disenchantment is captured in Howie and his friends, who rob houses, fuck their little sisters, and prostitute themselves to old men. (Marjorie Skinner)

The Last Castle
Robert Redford and James Gandolfini star in this story of power struggles and hypermasculine one-upsmanship behind the bars of a military prison. Also starring that really great actor from You Can Count on Me, Mark Ruffalo. Because it's directed by Rod Lurie (The Contender), expect the world this film presents to be divided into two camps: liberals and fascists.

Life as a House
Kevin Kline has cancer, but he hasn't told his ex-wife (Kristin Scott Thomas), who's too busy letting herself be an emotional doormat, or his son (Hayden Christensen), who's too busy huffing Scotchguard, wearing makeup, and masturbating with a rope around his neck. Rather than come clean, he decides to fix everything by making his dysfunctional son help him build his dream house. In the process--surprise of surprises!--he does fix everything: The son wipes away the mascara and stops giving head to rich men for cash (hooking up with a nubile hottie in the process), the wife realizes she's still in love with her ex, and Kline gets to die the heroic death of a saintly drop-out. Histrionic folderol aside, this film is a guilty kind of good. (Sean Nelson)

The Man Who Wasn't There
The Coen Brothers have their heads stuck firmly inside their own asses--but at least they do a nice job of it. Ed Crane (Billy Bob Thornton) is a bored barber who finds an opportunity to invest in a dry cleaning partnership, but he must come up with $10,000 he doesn't have. So, he concocts a plot to blackmail the wealthy lover of his wife (Frances McDormand). Naturally, a litany of Coen brothers-style complications ensue, including death, thinly veiled pedophilia, and a trip to the electric chair. Unlike most classic film noir, which clips along at a breakneck, suspenseful pace, The Man Who Wasn't There stumbles along like a lame horse. (Wm. Steven Humphrey)

Mary Lou Williams: Music on My Mind
Narrated by Roberta Flack, this is a documentary on African-American composer, pianist, and arranger Mary Lou Williams. Included are interviews with jazz greats like Dizzy Gillespie and Buddy Tate.

Maybe Baby
A happy couple has everything they need, except, boo hoo, a baby. Jesus. Don't they realize it's irresponsible to pro-create when we're about to get nuked?

Monsters, Inc.
Sully (John Goodman) is one of Monsters, Inc.'s top Scarers, meaning that he excels at getting kids to scream in fright--and bottled screams are the fuel upon which Monstropolis, his hometown, depends. Kids, however, are supposed to be highly contagious, so when Sully accidentally brings a little girl back to Monstropolis, he's got a lot of nervous running and hiding to do. The first two-thirds of this film are pleasant to watch, though the narcotizing currents of confused cultural allegory that run through modern Disney films course just as strongly through this one. In Monsters, Inc. this includes a truly uncomfortable fetishizing of the sleeping American child, and the assumption of a world benevolently owned and operated by a private corporation. But the final third of the movie is excellent and beautiful, arriving suddenly at one of those gorgeous imaginary landscapes that legitimately become a part of a child's dream fabric. (Evan Sult )

Mulholland Drive
David Lynch doing his usual contorted mystery.

New Rulers of the World
A documentary detailing the results of globalization in Indonesia. Directed by John Pilger and followed by anti-globalization movement speakers.

On the Line
Love isn't always on time, but the "L" train is. Just ask Joey Fatone (is that how you pronounce it?) and Lance Bass, the members of N'Sync who star in this romantic comedy, which takes place in Chicago, and whose pivotal moment occurs on said train.

The One
Needless to say, this "Terminator Lite" packs every minute with terrific special effects, groan-inducing shots of people getting smashed by thrown motorcycles, and fights, fights, FIGHTS. However, that's not to say The One is simple splash 'n' dash comic book fun. It's also clever, and manages to always keep the audience one step behind the plot. Ah, Jet Li. I wish there were 100 more just like him--and happily, in this movie, there are.

Protection
A social worker on the verge of burn-out must decide whether to take two kids away from a loving, yet herion-using mother with a potentially abusive boyfriend. See review this issue.

Riding in Cars with Boys
A film for 40-year-olds of all ages. Drew Barrymore plays a Connecticut-townie bad girl, who gets knocked up at age 15, then spends the rest of her lapsed Catholic life negotiating the disappointments and joys of a life lived in service to an accidental baby. Because the film is directed by Penny Marshall, it is very very bad, indeed painfully so. The lovely Drew Barrymore (whom a lot of people seem to hate, but I just can't help loving) tries very hard, and turns in what counts for her as a strong performance. But the movie is mawkish and cloying, full of screenwriter homilies and syrupy strings, so all her efforts are in the service of the devil. (Sean Nelson)

Serendipity
This film is hokey, as expected, relying on over-dramatized coincidences. You know: John Cusack comes out of an elevator just as the doors are closing behind Kate Beckinsale in another one, she loses her jacket and he just happens to find it, etc. Oh, isn't love magical! (Marjorie Skinner)

Shallow Hal
The new film by the Farrelly Brothers looks like it might be even crappier than their other films, which seems like it should be impossible, as anyone who sat through Me, Myself, and Irene can assert. The presence of the great Jack Black--playing a superficial man who becomes cursed (or is it blessed?) with the ability to see only inner beauty--oughtn't fool you. The Farrellys have been squandering brilliant comic performers for years. Yes, they made Kingpin. Yes, they made Dumb and Dumber. But those are the only reasons they haven't been brought up on charges.

Shorts 3
Features: Airplane Glue; The Lines of the Hand; Frank Was a Monster that Wanted to Dance; Strange Ships; Autographhss.com; The Passage, Passage; Insect Poetry; Thought Bubble; and The Burden.

Shorts Program 1
Features shorts: Zipped, about the obsession with the fly, like on jeans; Reveries and Rocketships; Bloodhag:The Faster You Go Deaf, the More Time You Have to Read,; The End of the Old as We Know It, directed by Countney Dandy Taylor, we see how retro destroyed the world; Found Footage; a found film of a family vaca; Woke Up Dreaming; Martirio; Positive Reinforcement; Friday Night Idiot Box; and Populi.

Spriggan
It seems like every new anime feature that shows up on these shores is "from the creator of Akira and Ghost in the Shell. Unfortunately, not very many of them are as good as those two mind-blowing classics. Take, if you will, Spriggan. It's your basic teenaged-boy-super-secret agent story, where our hero must save the world after Noah's Ark (yes, The Noah) is discovered and a mentally enhanced evil little boy wants to use it to destroy Earth. (Marc Mohan)

Tortilla Soup
A remake of Ang Lee's 1994 Eat Drink Man Woman. This time the focus is upon a Latino community in Los Angeles, where a retired Mexican American chef prepares lavish meals for his emotionally distraught daughters.

Va Savoir
Director Jaques Rivette examines love and the theater as couples with all sorts of issues switch partners, drudge up old problems, and create new ones. Oh, and they do some acting.

Waking Life
Richard Linklater's monologue-heavy, beautifully animated opus about the quest for lucid dreaming and active living is one of the coolest, most interesting movies you'll ever see. Or you might hate it and think it's talky and pretentious. See review this issue. (Sean Nelson)