Thursday, November 22

Noon FX BUFFY MARATHON!

An all-day turkey-gobblin' salute to the best goddam show in the world, Buffy the Vampire Slayer!

10:00 ABC BEING MICK

Cameras follow around octogenarian rocker Mick Jagger, from performing onstage to emptying his colostomy bag.


Friday, November 23

8:00 BET PURPLE RAIN--Movie

(1984) Prince stars as an extremely short rock star who has an odd infatuation with the color lavender.

10:00 CBS 'N SYNC LIVE!

The quickly declining boy band performs live in the Bahamas. (I'm sorry! But they're just not as cute as they used to be!)


Saturday, November 24

8:00 CBS RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER

A genetically enhanced reindeer is recruited by a secret government agency to lead an aerial spy mission on Christmas Eve.

8:00 NBC IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE--Movie

(1946) Jimmy Stewart stars as a manic-depressive who is prone to fanciful hallucinations--about "angels." Koo-koo! Koo-koo!


Sunday, November 25

7:00 FOX STAR WARS: EPISODE 1--THE PHANTOM MENACE--Movie

(1999) Young Darth Vader gets in touch with his dark side with the help of a legion of computer-generated characters.

8:00 VH1 THE CHRIS ISAAK SHOW

A rare opportunity to catch this funny sitcom, without having to pay for it on Showtime!


Monday, November 26

9:30 TOON JUSTICE LEAGUE

Soul brother Green Lantern pitches a fit after one of the other heroes accuses him of being "whiter than Aquaman."


Tuesday, November 27

8:00 UPN BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER

Willow hooks up with a warlock who turns her into a magic junkie!

8:00 NBC FEAR FACTOR

In a feeble attempt to revive their careers, celebrities like Donny Osmond agree to be buried alive in earthworms.


Wednesday, November 28

9:00 FOX BERNIE MAC

A ghettoized version of the Cosby Show that's--hold on a second!--really funny!