Thursday, March 6
8:00 CBS SURVIVOR: THE AMAZONWhen one of the tribes find themselves trapped in a dangerous situation, it gives the cameramen a chance to hang out and eat a sandwich.
9:00 ABC ARE YOU HOT?Contestants are chosen from the Southwest, which judge Lorenzo Lamas says are the ugliest, fattest states in the union.
Friday, March 7
8:00 FOX FASTLANEWhen guarding a beautiful witness under federal protection, Van and Deaq make the startling discovery that they're horny.
12:30 am HBO DA ALI G SHOWDon't miss this heee-larious new show where Brit fake hiphopper Ali G interviews unsuspecting schlubs!
Saturday, March 8
8:00 FAM TEEN WOLF--Movie(1985) Michael J. Fox stars as a hormonally unbalanced werewolf who wins the big basketball game!
11:30 NBC SATURDAY NIGHT LIVETonight's host Queen Latifah welcomes musical guest DJ/Diva Ms. Dynamite.
Sunday, March 9
8:00 FOX THE SIMPSONSBart convinces Krusty to run for Congress. (Finally! A voice of reason within our government!)
9:00 CBS RETURN TO THE BATCAVE--Movie(2003) Adam West and Burt Ward look for a missing Batmobile and reflect on how many blowjobs they've received.
Monday, March 10
9:00 VH1 THE DARK SIDE OF "GIRLS GONE WILD"Whaaaaaa??? That's like saying there's a dark side to chocolate chip cookies!
Tuesday, March 11
8:00 FOX AMERICAN IDOLIn the most torturous part of the series, the 12 finalists are forced to sing the crappiest songs ever written, and are then insulted for singing them so crappy.
10:00 FX THE SHIELDThe department is in the soup (but good!) when the press gets wind of their dirty dealings.
Wednesday, March 12
9:00 WB ANGELHotsy-totsy vampire slayer Faith opens up a can of blood-suckin' whoop-ass on the evil Angelus!
9:00 ABC ALL-AMERICAN GIRLDebut! A new reality contest where viewers vote for the perfect "all-American girl." So where's the contest where viewers vote on whether this is in any way necessary?
