dir. Ackerlund

Opens Fri April 18

Cinema 21

Anyone who has ever sniffed a rail of cocaine knows what it's like to be on speed. Anybody who has ever snorted crystal or crank, smoked crack, taken trucker speed, diet pills, mini-thins, mescaline, ecstasy, PCP, LSD, or drunk too much coffee knows. Practically every person in the world knows to some extent what it feels like to be on speed. So why do we need another movie about it?

In case you didn't know, speed is addictive. And if you have a bunch of money and no job, or a little money and no job, or an addictive personality and an ability to swindle, you might get addicted to speed. If you do get addicted to speed, you might stay awake for days doing it. If you snort speed for days and days and months and months, your life might go right down the shitter. You might start looking bad, your apartment might get really dirty, your girlfriend might dump you, you might start hanging out with questionable people, phone-ordering hookers, driving while intoxicated, fucking without condoms, getting knocked up, and eventually you might find yourself with nasty teeth and bad breath. Yes, Spun shares with us all of these enlightening facts.

Personally, though, I've lived on the planet for longer than five minutes and already know all this stuff. I don't need to watch humorless Jason Schwartzman and airhead Brittany Murphy get all "spun" (cool word for cranked out on the fuzz) in order to know speed is bad. I know that drug addicts don't shit for long periods of time, but I do not need to watch a junked-out Mena Suvari taking her first crap in two weeks in order to be helpfully reminded.

Someone please make a movie about a guy who gets up and goes to work every day, yet still spends a hundred bucks a day on speed. Somebody make a movie about a college student who has to juggle two jobs, schoolwork, a speed habit, and a kid. Those stories would be interesting, but watching a bunch of loser meth heads tweak out is not.