Thursday, May 29

8:00 TBS GHOSTBUSTERS--Movie (1984) A fond look back at a time when New York City would still allow four friends to start a ghost extermination business.

9:30 COM SOUTH PARK When the kids need to reclaim a gaming system, they call upon the dope-huffing Towlie for help.


Friday, May 30

8:00 AMC ROSEMARY'S BABY--Movie (1968) Poor Mia Farrow gets knocked up by the Prince of Darkness, and the sonofabitch has the audacity to ask if it's his.

9:00 ANI PET STAR Pets do stupid tricks and win $25,000? The fact that my dog can eat his own weight in cat poop should be worth at least that much!


Saturday, May 31

8:00 BET AMERICAN PIMP--Movie (1999) The Hughes brothers break out the solid gold Caddy to interview real live pimps!

9:00 TNN MOST EXTREME ELIMINATION CHALLENGE Kenny Blankenship and Vic Romano introduce the hilarious ass-busting antics of this Japanese game show!


Sunday, June 1

8:00 NBC AMERICA'S MOST TALENTED SENIOR Debut! Finally, old people get a chance to show off their talents, such as ukulele playing, dancing the hoochie-koo, and drooling into bowls of Metamucil.

9:00 HBO SIX FEET UNDER Season Finale! Nate teeters on the edge of bonkerdom over his missing wifey (Lili Taylor).


Monday, June 2

10:00 TLC DIY SURGERY How ordinary people are sometimes forced into removing growths, amputating limbs, and popping blackheads.


Tuesday, June 3

8:00 FOX AMERICAN JUNIORS Debut! This spinoff of American Idol features the nation's most talented children (AKA bed-wetting crybabies).

9:00 FOX KEEN EDDIE Debut! A disgraced New York cop is disgraced even further by being reassigned to London! HAW! They don't even carry guns over there!!


Wednesday, June 4

8:00 FX X-MEN--Movie (2000) A bunch of nerds with super powers bitch and moan because they're not "accepted" by the rest of us normal people.

9:00 TNN GOLDFINGER--Movie (1964) James Bond knows his prostate is in for trouble when he meets the criminal mastermind Goldfinger!

French-scabies-free since '03. steve@thestranger.com