THURSDAY, MAY 19

8:00 CBS CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION Season Finale! TV lover/gross-out director Quentin Tarantino helms this episode about a team member who gets buried alive!

8:00 FOX THE O.C. Season Finale! Sandy must make a life-changing decision to save his crappy marriage--and what's Julie doing with that gun?

FRIDAY, MAY 20

8:00 ABC THE MUPPETS' WIZARD OF OZ It's the Muppets' version of the Frank L. Baum classic, in which I certainly hope Beaker will be playing the wizard!

8:00 CBS DR. PHIL: ESCAPING ADDICTION Dr. Phil demonstrates his foolproof method of getting people off drugs: Boring them to death.

SATURDAY, MAY 21

8:00 SHOW OUR FATHERS--Movie (2005) Ted Danson stars in this movie about horny priests and their pedophilic shenanigans!

SUNDAY, MAY 22

9:00 ABC DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES Season Finale! It's payback time for the gals of Wisteria Lane when all their dirty secrets are revealed!

9:00 HBO DEADWOOD Season Finale! The naughtiest cocksuckin' western on TV finishes its second motherfuckin' season with a goddamn bang.

MONDAY, MAY 23

8:00 FOX 24 Season Finale! Jack has only two hours left to stop a deadly terrorist attack before he's allowed to go to the bathroom.

9:00 PBS AMERICAN EXPERIENCE America's poorest little rich girl gets kidnapped in "Guerrilla: The Taking of Patty Hearst."

TUESDAY, MAY 24

9:00 FOX HOUSE Season Finale! Dr. House must put his feelings aside when he's asked to save the husband of a sexy hottie!

WEDNESDAY, MAY 25

8:00 ABC LOST Season Finale! All I know is that there better be a good freaking explanation for that polar bear.

8:00 FOX AMERICAN IDOL Season Finale! The newest Idol will be announced, which means we can rush out and ignore their CD.

10:00 ABC ALIAS Season Finale! Sydney's mom returns in a last ditch attempt to spice up the snooziest season yet!