THURSDAY, JULY 14

8:00 MTV USHER LIVE Catch this live concert featuring hiphop's most loveably skanky performer!

9:00 ABC HOOKING UP Debut! A five-part reality series that documents the trials and tribulations of 12 women searching for love online.

FRIDAY, JULY 15

10:00 SCIFI BATTLESTAR GALACTICA Season Premiere! Adama is shot, Prez Roslin is in the hoosegow, and a civil war is imminent. So let's have sex!

SATURDAY, JULY 16

8:00 ABC THE PRINCESS DIARIES--Movie (2001) A gawky, pimply teen turns into a beautiful, graceful princess. Hey, just like me!

9:00 TOON JUSTICE LEAGUE UNLIMITED Brainiac opens up a can of super-powered whup-ass, leaving the League without leadership.

SUNDAY, JULY 17

8:30 FOX THE PRINCES OF MALIBU Though obviously staged, check out this "reality" show about a couple of spoiled beefcakes driving their step-dad ba-zonkers.

10:00 HBO ENTOURAGE Vince and the gang head to Sundance to woo James Cameron and bang a few snow hookers.

MONDAY, JULY 18

9:00 FOX HELL'S KITCHEN The contestants have 15 minutes to make something edible out of leftovers in Chef Ramsay's hilariously cruel kitchen.

1:00 am GSN KENNY VS. SPENNY Two pals compete in the most humiliating and funny challenges ever!

TUESDAY, JULY 19

10:00 FX RESCUE ME Drunk and abrasive Tommy struggles with a new, and utterly confounding concept: sensitivity.

10:00 GSN EXTREME DODGEBALL Season Premiere! It's a whole new season of ball-bustin' fun--but don't forget your cup.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 20

8:00 FOX SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE Debut! It's like American Idol, except for people who have cerebral palsy.

10:00 FX 30 DAYS Season Finale! To demonstrate the evils of alcohol, a mom spends 30 days binge drinking with her college-age kids. Whoo! Whoo! Mom's doing a keg-stand!