THURSDAY, MAY 18
9:00 FOX THE O.C.
Season Finale! Ryan's trailer-trash mom shows up for graduation! Très embarrassment!
9:00 NBC WILL & GRACE
Series Finale! Will and Grace decide whether or not they'll ever see each other again. Here, let me help: DON'T!
FRIDAY, MAY 19
8:00 CBS DR. PHIL: ESCAPING DANGER
Dr. Phil teaches victims how to escape danger with his chameleon-like talent of looking like a pear.
9:30 MTV2 WONDER SHOWZEN
Season Finale! Trust me—this episode of the world's most offensive kids' show will be extra offensive!
SATURDAY, MAY 20
8:30 FOX COPS
It's the 650th episode of Cops! (Crap! Since I missed the last 649, I won't know what's going on!)
11:30 NBC SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
Hosted by Superman Returns' Kevin Spacey and the singer who should've never returned, Nelly Furtado.
SUNDAY, MAY 21
9:00 NBC 10.5: APOCALYPSE—Movie
(2006) A rash of deadly earthquakes attack a cast of TV wash-ups (including Dean Cain and Melissa Sue Anderson).
9:00 ABC DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES
Season Finale! Susan moves into a trailer, and... oh, come on. Nobody watches this show anymore.
MONDAY, MAY 22
8:00 FOX 24
Season Finale! Jack has two hours to stop the terrorists so he can finally go to the bathroom.
9:00 ABC ALIAS
Series Finale! Sydney turns in her resignation, and hangs up her underwear.
TUESDAY, MAY 23
9:00 FOX HOUSE
Season Finale! A disgruntled patient shoots Dr. House—and his insurance won't cover it because "being an asshole" was "a pre-existing condition."
WEDNESDAY, MAY 24
8:00 FOX AMERICAN IDOL
Season Finale! Tonight, another Idol will be crowned, and then escorted to the unemployment line.
9:00 ABC LOST
Season Finale! It's the two-hour finale, and Jack and Sayid hatch a sufficiently stupid plan to rescue Walt!