THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 1

8:00 CW SMALLVILLE

In a flight of idiocy, Clark decides to kidnap Lana from her wedding.

8:30 NBC THE OFFICE

Meee-OW! Karen finally confronts Pam on her past with Jim. Activate... CLAWS!

10:30 COM THE SARAH SILVERMAN PROGRAM

Debut! America's favorite potty-mouthed Jewess gets her own sitcom!

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 2

9:00 CBS SUPER BOWL'S GREATEST COMMERCIALS

Host Daisy Fuentes (remember her?) introduces the best of Super Bowl ads. Hey Daisy! WASSSSSUUUUUP?

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 3

8:00 ABC WORLD'S GREATEST SPORTS BLOOPERS

Dropped balls, hilarious tumbles, and O.J. Simpson murdering his wife. (Okay... fine. ALLEGEDLY.)

9:00 ABC ANCHORMAN: THE LEGEND OF RON BURGUNDY—Movie

(2004) An actually FUNNY flick starring Will Ferrell as a '70s newscaster whose job is threatened by... a woman?!?

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 4

5:00 CBS SUPER BOWL

Some team named "the Bears" are playing some other team called "the Colts." Sounds cute!

8:00 CBS CRIMINAL MINDS

The detectives investigate a murder at a Super Bowl party. Now, there's a coincidence...

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 5

9:00 FOX 24

Jack struggles with terrorists blowing up nuclear bombs and his father, who's a real prick.

9:00 NBC HEROES

Claire goes searching for her biological mom... in a trailer park? Ew.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 6

8:00 NBC DATELINE NBC

Yet

another "To Catch a Predator" episode! How many perverts are out there anyway?

9:00 CW VERONICA MARS

The college slut is slipped a "morning-after" pill—and is mysteriously upset about it.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 7

10:00 ABC LOST

Return! Lost is back, and we'll finally find out if... waitasecond. What is this show about again?