THURSDAY, MARCH 1

8:00 FOX AMERICAN IDOL

Four more contestants we couldn't give a crap about get the boot.

10:30 COM THE SARAH SILVERMAN PROGRAM

Sarah "explores her sexuality"... with another girl! Oooooooohhhhh...

FRIDAY, MARCH 2

8:00 CBS GHOST WHISPERER

When a six-year-old ghost won't stop screaming, the "whisperer" gives Casper a friendly ass-whuppin'.

9:00 VH1 THE AGENCY

The modeling agents panic when one of their girls turns sideways and disappears.

SATURDAY, MARCH 3

8:30 FOX COPS

When a bicyclist is found pedaling inside a truck stop bathroom, the officers suspect drugs could be involved.

SUNDAY, MARCH 4

8:30 FOX THE WINNER

Debut! Rob Corddry (The Daily Show) stars as loser trying to get his life together in this Wonder Years spoof!

10:00 SCIFI BATTLESTAR GALACTICA

Starbuck is on the verge of a nervous breakdown—which is weird because everyone on the Galactica has it so eaaaaasy.

MONDAY, MARCH 5

9:00 FOX 24

Waitasecond... who invited back that waddle-necked creep President Logan?!

9:00 NBC HEROES

On the eve of the election, Nathan has an uncomfortable run-in with the mysterious Linderman.

TUESDAY, MARCH 6

9:00 CW PUSSYCAT DOLLS: SEARCH FOR THE NEW DOLL

Debut! Nine unfortunate women compete to become America's next top stripper.

9:00 FOX HOUSE

Dr. House examines an idiot savant. Since I'm a genius savant, I have no need for doctors.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 7

9:00 FOX THE WEDDING BELLS

Debut! A new sitcom featuring the Bell sisters who inherit their parents' insane wedding planning business.

10:00 ABC LOST

Yet another strange structure is found on the island. (My newest theory is that the castaways are actually stuck in an abandoned Vegas casino.)