THURSDAY, OCTOBER 11

9:00 NBC THE OFFICE

Dunder Mifflin launches their new website, and Dwight vows to sell more paper than the internet.

10:00 FX IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA

Another episode showcasing this program's sensitivity entitled, "Dee Is Dating a Retarded Person."

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 12

10:00 LIF AMERICA'S PSYCHIC CHALLENGE

Four clairvoyants compete to see who is America's best. Wait... if they're psychics, shouldn't they already know who wins?

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 13

9:00 REAL SEARCH FOR THE NEXT ELVIRA

Debut! Mmmm... there really wasn't any need for the first one, now was there?

11:30 NBC SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

Get out your denture cream, Grandpa! It's your fave bands from the last century: Bon Jovi and the Foo Fighters!

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 14

9:00 VH1 AMERICA'S MOST SMARTEST MODEL

The models are pushed to their intellectual limits when asked to name three American presidents.

10:00

WE GIRL MEETS COWBOY

Debut! Four lonely girls fight over one smelly cowboy. That sound you hear is feminism rolling over in her grave.

MONDAY, OCTOBER 15

9:30 ABC SAMANTHA WHO?

Debut! Amnesiac Samantha wakes up in a hospital without the slightest notion she used to be a raging beeyotch.

10:30 VH1 GOTTI'S WAY

Debut! Former Def Jam genius Irv Gotti battles his way back to the top of the record industry.

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 16

8:00 CW BEAUTY AND THE GEEK

The geeks get a makeover, which means a tub of hair gel and 50 squirts of AXE body spray.

9:00

CW REAPER

When Sam asks for some time off from reaping souls, he gets sent on another stupid mission. Working for Satan sucks.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 17

8:00

ABC PUSHING DAISIES

The gang settles on the best marketing idea yet: pies filled with antidepressants.

9:00

NBC BIONIC WOMAN

Jamie discovers the truth about her bionic lifespan, which gives her one more thing to nag about.