THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 8

8:00 CW SMALLVILLE

Lana absorbs Clark's powers. Watch out, Clark! Next she'll absorb your credit cards! (Trust me.)

9:00 NBC THE OFFICE

After being excluded by Ryan from the company wilderness retreat, Michael goes Rambo!

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 9

8:00 TBS THE WIZARD OF OZ—Movie

(1939) A Kansas girl is accused of murder, and pursued by flying monkeys.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 10

9:00 SCIFI BATS: HUMAN HARVEST—Movie

(2007) Commandos battle deadly, genetically engineered bats while trying not to scream, "EEE! They're in my HAIR!!"

10:00 A&E BON JOVI CONCERT

Bon Jovi performs his new and classic hits. (Is it just me, or does he look like he has Saran Wrap on his face?)

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 11

9:00 FOX FAMILY GUY

After Stewie killed his mother last week, Lois returns the favor.

10:00 HBO CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM

Season finale! Larry recants for his life of misanthropy by accepting Christ as his savior. PSYCHE!

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 12

8:00 ABC DANCING WITH THE STARS

Naturally, I never watch this show... but America, how could you vote off the Cheetah girl?!

8:00 NBC CHUCK

Reluctant spy Chuck finally meets a girl who likes "the real him," and it's... The O.C.'s Rachel Bilson?? EEEEE!

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 13

9:00 CW REAPER

Sam realizes the Devil is setting him up to take the rap for a murder. Weird. That doesn't sound like the Devil at all.

9:00 FOX HOUSE

A documentary film crew follows House and his team around. Prepare for some awkward footage, guys.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 14

10:00 BRAVO PROJECT RUNWAY

Season premiere! Fashion designers compete for Heidi Klum's love. Make it work, people!

12:30 am COM KENNY VS. SPENNY

The competitors go highbrow with a contest called, "Who Can Blow the Biggest Fart?"