THURSDAY, DECEMBER 4

9:00 NBC THE OFFICE

Tensions flare over how to spend a $4,000 surplus! (How about 400 Dwight bobblehead dolls?)

9:30 NBC 30 ROCK

Jack gets screwed AGAIN when the G.E.'s CEO (Rip Torn) awakens from his coma.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 5

9:00 ANI WHALE WARS

Check out this reality series about a whale rescue organization... staffed by a bunch of jerks!

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 6

8:00 CMT HULK HOGAN'S CELEBRITY WRESTLING

Season finale! Four celebs enter the ring... three leave in body bags.

9:00 SCIFI CYCLOPS—Movie

(2008) Another super cheesy SciFi flick, wherein two-eyed Eric Roberts battles a one-eyed freak.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 7

8:00 CBS THE AMAZING RACE

Season finale! The remaining teams race from Moscow to the finish line in Portland (where no one will really care who won).

9:00 HBO HOUSE OF SADDAM

A four-part biopic of the rise and fall of Saddam Hussein. Features the song, "Spider Hole, Here I Come!"

MONDAY, DECEMBER 8

8:00 BRAVO INSIDE THE ACTORS STUDIO

This week starring hunky Josh "No Country for Old Men" Brolin!

10:00 MTV THE HILLS

In a surprise twist, Heidi marries Spencer and... is she freaking INSANE?!?

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 9

10:00 BIO SHATNER'S RAW NERVE

Bill Shatner interviews ex-porn queen Jenna Jameson. Really, what else do I have to say?

10:00 MTV A DOUBLE SHOT AT LOVE

Season premiere! The contestants learn they will be pursuing bisexual twins, which renews their belief in God.

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 10

8:00 FOX SECRET MILLIONAIRE

This week, a generous millionaire goes to Utah Mormon country, and can't find a single deserving person. Weird.

8:00 NBC LITTLE SPIRIT: CHRISTMAS IN NEW YORK

A magical sprite gives tours of NYC (which happily bypass Rudy Giuliani).