The Short Review: The Book of Eli
Nothing like a good old post-Apocalyptic yarn to keep the feet toasty at night. Ah, the inevitable entropy of humanity. Lo, the sky is wiped clean and all the machines either stop or go for our throats. Public services break down and people neglect their hygiene. The only things still valuable are drinking water, pussy, books, and a single bottle of peppermint Dr. Bronner's. I love this sort of social experiment-cum-badass fightin' flick. The idea of falling off our technological pillow awakens something primal and we think, "What would a man/woman/child/cat taste like for dinner?" Some people will adapt to the coming Apocalypse and a lot won't. People with very organized desk spaces are definitely doomed.
There's an undertone of religious mish-mash that the official reviewer went on about. Who cares? This is a crazy Christian country. In fact, I think the idea of the directors was to regain ALL great folkloric and religious texts, as well as Eric Clapton Unplugged, so that we can have the same opportunities to sink or sail. So sit back and focus on the comforting violence and don't think so hard. We've all had to read Fahrenheit 451 anyway.
The Book of Eli is a great movie if this kind of Mad Max shit is totally up your alley. There are weapons of every description, reinforced gas-guzzling trucks, and a merciless sun under which to watch the fun happen. There are satisfying twists and dark humor. Denzel Washington is still awesome enough to play a semi-Messianic anti-hero who's also good with a pistol just like Roland the Gunslinger. We know, just know, it's got to be some badass black dude who saves the future. Let's keep our fingers crossed. Gary Oldman is a fantastic, smarmy villain, which should go with out saying. And, finally, cute little Mila Kunis is in it. Buy a ticket to The Book of Eli already!

Rating: Four out of five bloated biker corpses

[P.S. Jeez, pump the brakes Cormick McCarthy!!!]

Please stop letting people write film reviews that compare every element and/or scene of the movie to other elements and/or scenes from other movies.

"You know, like that guy from this other movie who did this thing that was kind of like this other thing that this other guy would have done if he wore clothes from REI." ...Ugh.

Also, if anyone ever tries to pass off the phrase "post-western western" in a movie review again, they should just be shot.