Bret McKenzie: From bearded hipster to creepily smooth elf!
  • Bret McKenzie: From bearded hipster to elven ladyboy!

In one of the more annoying bits of fandom related to Peter Jackson's The Lord of the Rings movies, a cult of sorts sprung up around a bit part played by Flight of the Conchords' Bret McKenzie. Heh. Look at him up there.

From the kind of depressing Wikipedia page on the character, "Figwit":

Bret McKenzie, half of the musical comedy duo Flight of the Conchords and a Wellington native, first landed a small role as an extra in The Fellowship of the Ring. He appears sitting two seats away from Aragorn during the council in Rivendell scene. When it is decided that the Ring must be destroyed, Frodo offers to take the Ring to Mordor, and Elrond proclaims the formation of the Fellowship of the Ring. The elf was dubbed "Figwit" by Tolkien fan Iris Hadad; after seeing Frodo agree to take the ring, saying "I will take it", the film switches to a shot where Figwit can be seen standing on the far right, and Hadad's initial reaction was "Frodo is great...who is THAT?!?" [Three guesses as to who owns multiple cats! —Ed.] Later, Hadad corresponded with her university friend Sherry de Andres, and the two created the first Figwit fan website,, calling him "Legolas for the thinking woman".

That's a hell of a website you've got there, ladies. ANYWAY, for unknown reasons (Flight of the Conchords isn't on anymore; Peter Jackson needs all the fan-service props he can get after The Lovely Bones; they're cramming every obscure Tolkien character they can find into The Hobbit in order to somehow stretch it into two movies), Figwit's back, motherfuckers!

Well, okay not Figwit, but some other elf named Lindir who'll be played by McKenzie. (Like elves' names matter anyway—all those elf people look the same, am I right?) Via, here's the bit part of "Lindir, the Snobbiest Elf," as he appears in The Fellowship of the Ring:

"Now we had better have it again," said an Elf. Bilbo got up and bowed. "I am flattered, Lindir," he said. "But it would be too tiring to repeat it all." "Not too tiring for you," the Elves answered laughing. "You know you are never tired of reciting your own verses. But really we cannot answer your question at one hearing!"

"What!" cried Bilbo. "You can’t tell which parts were mine, and which were the Dunadan’s?"

"It is not easy for us to tell the difference between two mortals" said the Elf.

"Nonsense, Lindir," snorted Bilbo. "If you can’t distinguish between a Man and a Hobbit, your judgment is poorer than I imagined. They’re as different as peas and apples."

"Maybe. To sheep other sheep no doubt appear different," laughed Lindir. "Or to shepherds. But Mortals have not been our study. We have other business."

... like DANCING! If in The Hobbit, Lindir doesn't lead an all-dwarf conga line in this little number, I'm going to be sorely disappointed. Make it happen, Fili, Kili, Oin, Gloin, Thorin, Dwalin, Balin, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Dori, Nori, and Ori! This isn't Rivendell anymore!