This week in middle-class wish-fulfillment fantasies, it's Couples Retreat, featuring Vince Vaughn, Jon Favreau, Sex and the City's Kristin Davis, Veronica Mars, and a credibility-smashing turn from Arrested Development's Jason Bateman! Couples Retreat opens with a montage that could be entitled "Straight Couples Through the Ages," set with a dismaying lack of both creativity and irony to "Modern Love" (Bowie, you whore). The ensuing two-hour homage to heterosexual values (as defined in 1953) is somehow both more boring and more offensive than either the film's opening credits or the (already fairly offensive) trailer could have predicted. by Alison Hallett