In addition to writer/director Sylvester Stallone, The Expendables crams in a few other legit action stars too--Jason Statham, Jet Li--along with a who's who of has-beens and never-beens: Dolph Lundgren, Steve Austin, Eric Roberts, Randy Couture. It's like Ocean's 11: Only Dumber. There are highlights--seeing the lithe Li fight the drooling homunculus Lundgren; pondering the philosophy of never using one bullet when 12 will do; basking in the vibrant glow of one billion explosions--but despite all of its leathery faces, The Expendables only occasionally captures the balls-out, testosterone-drenched goofiness of '80s action flicks. (And sometimes--like when a character played by convicted spousal abuser Steve Austin punches a damsel in distress in the face--it feels dumb and outdated in all the worst ways.) by Erik Henriksen