Battleship is a movie for adults that's based on a children's game. So it's basically indefensible, both as a thing that our culture produced and as an actual piece of entertainment—though it's not the last such movie we'll see, as Hollywood is ever-adept at transforming creative bankruptcy into depressingly high box-office numbers. (Stay tuned for Connect Four: Tantric Misadventures; an Eli Roth-directed Operation; and the self-explanatory Pickup Sticks: The Musical.) If you are a grownup who likes to see things go boom, you will probably see this movie, and afterward you will feel terrible about yourself and how you choose to spend your money. Actually, first you will read this review, and be all, "Man, this reviewer hates fun!" And then you will see the movie and the self-loathing will commence, tenfold. by Alison Hallett