The Emoji Movie

2017 | 92 minutes | Rated PG

The only possible saving grace of this thing is that the producers somehow roped Patrick Stewart into voicing a literal coil of shit with eyeballs shoved into it. Look: Everything is fucked, nothing will be good again, and nobody will really hold it against you if take a 90 minute respite from the outside world by ducking into a theater and indulging the brain-dead "charms" of this animated film starring a collection of pictographs that will soon represent the sum total of all human language in what little dystopian future is left to us by the disgusting, ambulatory colostomy bags running our country. Co-starring Rachael Ray as Spam.

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Film Credits
Tony Leondis
T.J. Miller, James Corden, Anna Faris, Maya Rudolph, Steven Wright, Jennifer Coolidge, Patrick Stewart, Christina Aguilera, SofĂ­a Vergara, Rachael Ray, Sean Hayes, Jake Austin, Tati Gabrielle, Jude Kouyate, Jeff Ross, Hunter March, Tony Leondis, Melissa Sturm, Eric Siegel, Sean Giambrone