THURSDAY 12/7

BLONDE REDHEAD, THE NEED

(Aladdin Theatre) Two of the coolest bands on earth converge on the Aladdin Theatre. See Music pg 15

QUASI, HOCHENKEIT, GUESTS

(Meow Meow) What else can be said about Quasi? The hype is warranted; the band is incredible. Their songs are fantastically written, fuzzy things that fill a previously unheard-of niche between rock and pop. They're a little quirky, they're wonderful live, and tonight, all the underage kids who've been drooling at the heart to see them, can. Hochenkeit, on the same hand, make velvety, unstructured tunes that will make you curious and hopeful at the same time. This show will sell out, so go early and keep your fingers crossed. (But if you're over 21, you might want to let the kids in first, since you can see Quasi with No. 2 and Braille Stars tomorrow at Berbatis'.) JULIANNE SHEPHERD

LEFTOVER SALMON, KARL DENSON'S TINY UNIVERSE

(Crystal) From the state that brought you Columbine and àpres-ski beaver pelts comes Leftover Salmon, a squishy bluegrass jam band that resembles a less successful version of those other Colorado dorks in the String Cheese Incident. Karl Denson is good, but since Leftover Salmon is opening for him, you might want to arrive late and avoid the hippies. NATHAN THORNBURGH

FRIDAY 12/8

MOJO CHAN

(Cable Channel 11, Midnight) Okay, normally I wouldn't be advocating television use in such an irresponsible manner (or, for that matter, substituting something as passive as TV for a live music experience) BUT this is a bloody, gory, creepy ROCK OPERA! It's gonna be nuts, so set the VCR. JS

THE PHARCYDE, SOURCE OF LABOR, PROZ & CONZ, DJ RUNDOWN

(Pine Street Theatre) Gawd, I hate when I go to an old favorite's show, like the Pharcyde, and they play all the songs off their new album and you sit there all night being like, "Please play 'Passin' Me By,'" or "Yeah, this is it, I know this one--aw, no, maybe I don't," and the whole night ends up being a big anticlimax. I always end up getting really drunk at those shows and complaining loudly until I have a headache and want to pass out. So anyway, please, Pharcyde dudes, play the old stuff. Proz & Conz, on the other hand, are a pretty kickass Portland hip hop group that raps faster than I can think, and backs it up with cool goth-esque, musical loops. Support the Portland hip hop scene and check these guys out. KATIE SHIMER

RED 76 FOUR-ON-ONE EXPERIMENT STARRING BEDS, HOCHENKEIT, BERING SEA, SUPERSPRITE

(Meow Meow) They're all playing at once, with you in the middle. In one corner, we have Beds, whose instrumentation generally involves sometimes out-of-control, sometimes intensely structured drums; a guitar and a violin bow; and the random sounds of a radio. In another, there's the experimental Hochenkeit, whose newest album should go down as one of the best releases of 2000. In corner three, it's the Bering Sea, another great duo that summons static and emotion like fire from an abyss. And in the fourth corner, we've got Supersprite, my favorite Portland live electronic ensemble, whose music is both poppy and exotic. When you go, you should hook your brainwaves to some sort of Geiger counter, and see what happens. JS

TEXAS FAGGOTT, THE NETHER CAROLS, APOLLO'S LUTE PSY TRANCE AND AMBIENT DJs

(Medicine Hat) With only a handful of successful musicians in the past... hmm... century (the most successful of which was the vexing a-ha), it is highly doubtful that America's music scene will ever face a Scandinavian Invasion. Yet, with the winter nights stretching as long as twenty hours, the nightclub scene in Norway, Sweden, and Finland is particularly pregnant. Most of this music falls into the broad category of "atmosphere" --pensive and hard-edged electronica that sounds as if it were orchestrated by Norway's most famous (only?) renowned artist, Edward Munch. It is unclear whether the nascent Texas Faggot is actually from Finland or if that is simply where the motherlode of their fan base lives. It is, however, telling that the band has a faithful following there. Perhaps their simultaneous goofy and trance-inducing music is just right for Oregon's long and grim winter nights. PHIL BUSSE

JOE DAVIS, KAITLYN NI DONOVAN, NOISE FOR PRETEND

(Tonic Lounge) Have you ever thought about putting mid-'90s, California skateboarder melodic punk rock to acoustic guitar? Joe Davis has, and does. Imagine Pinehurst Kids (Davis' band) unplugged. He's all cute in his messy hair and baggy clothes and stuff. Kaitlyn ni Donovan's soprano is lush and warbly, and her songs are kind of mystical and metaphysical. She's cute, too, but more in a black turtleneck, smart-sophisticate way. Noise for Pretend features members of Kaleid, an upright bass (yay!), fantastic drumming, and a residual memory of the Red House Painters, or possibly Jeff Buckley. They're a little jazzy and romantic, also very sophisticated and very mature. They, too, are cute, and after hearing their soon-to-be-released, six-song EP, I think I am becoming a very big fan. JS

SATURDAY 12/9

THE SWORDS/PROJECT, HUTCH HARRIS, GLACIER PARK

(Stumptown Coffee, 7 pm, free) For those of you who haven't seen The Swords/Project, you don't have any excuses left. This show is free, so you can't say you're broke. And there's great coffee (I know, cause I drink at least six cups of Stumptown a day), so you can't say it's because you're on the wagon and being around booze will tempt you off it. And it's winter, and you need something to move you out of that nasty seasonal depression. The Swords will do it. You should see them now, because early next year, they have an album coming from Absolutely Kosher Records (home of The Places and The Mountain Goats), and then they will be famous. Hutch Harris will play, too. He's a dear, the sentimental, boyish voice behind Urban Legends. Glacier Park's Pastels-ian songs (augmented by strings--on their tape, I can't tell if it's violin or cello) are melodic and wintry. They've a line that goes, "angel's hide in petri dishes," and it's so absolutely charming I might die! JS

JINGLE BELLE ROCK STARRING CHRISTINE DARLING, THE JOLENES, BLUEBALLS, THE NO-NOS

(Dante's) Men, you know how much women like girl music. Like remember that old girlfriend who listened to Jagged Little Pill like 6,000 times after it came out and waited with anticipation for that hidden track where Alanis busts into her ex's house and goes through all his shit. Sorry to bring that up, I know things ended badly. Anyway, there will definitely be a wealth of hot, sane women at Dante's all-girl band night, including floaty-voiced nymphet Christine Darling. Oh, strangely enough there will also be a gay, tan Santa (?!?!) for your viewing/ wish-telling/ lap-sitting pleasure. Fun, figures and flamers; by god, it must be Christmas! KS

SUBTONIX, PHANTOM LIMBS, INSECURIOUS

(Meow Meow) Years ago, I saw this film on the USA network that was built around the B-52s' first album. It was about a family of aliens (from the planet B-52) who lived in a trailer park and had towering beehives that housed communication devices. The protagonist knew that anytime he heard a B-52s song, he was in the vicinity of the aliens. I can't find anyone else who's seen this movie; even the duchess of kitsch and lost items, Thrift Score's Al Hoff, has never heard of it. But I'm convinced that if anyone can help me solve the mystery, it's the ladies from Subtonix. They're so cool; all hardcore, rumbling, space-and-blood rocketeering. And saxophones haven't sounded so cool in punk rock since X-Ray Spex. Insecurious is a Cyndi Lauper cover band, which features the sublime and passionate Tasha from Heart Beats Red. (If any of you have seen the B-52s film, please contact me via the Mercury.) JS

HELL'S BELLES, THE BRIEFS

(Cobalt) To consider the pasty, sweaty and spastic Angus Young sexy is to hold onto a different definition of appeal. But for thousands of teenage boys in the late Seventies, the AC/DC guitar player was an idol, indeed--someone to be like; someone who, if you could be like him, would help you get the girls. It is heartening that, in an age where beauty is distorted by clean-scrubbed MTV musicians and airbrushed promo photos, a group of Seattle women have found beauty in the dearly departed Angus Young. They have chosen to worship Young and his entire band, AC/DC, by dressing their lead singer in a kilt--modeled after Angus Young's own onstage garb--and banging out the band's most thrashing songs. PB

ROY TINSEL, JUANITA FAMILY

(Beulahland, free) Roy Tinsel is endearing and frightening at once. He will delve with scalpel-like precision into your deepest psychological fears and pains. He is not a hypnotist, nor is he a shrink. He dresses up. In drag. With perfectly rouged cheeks. And sings rad prog-metal and country and western songs with lines like "I've got a bad seed in me/I wish I didn't feel this way." This is one of his first live forays outside of the Steakhouse in awhile, so don't miss it. JS

SUNDAY 12/10

MAZEL TOV ORCHESTRA

(Borders-Beaverton) Klezmers are the greatest--I love how they make me feel Old World in 2000--and this orchestra utilizes them! Hear all your Hanukkah faves, jazzed up and tip-top shape with the awesome Sammy Epstein leading the way. (Also, if you want to be mischievous, request "Dreydel Dog" by Portland group Mesopotamia, and see if they squirm!) JS

CONVERGE STARRING JEFF ANTHONY, DAN REED, KEITH SCHREINER

(Ohm) Okay, let me explain the components that make up this "convergence." There is Jeff Anthony, drummer for Pepe and the Bottle Blondes, Keith Schreiner, who mixes for Dahlia and Auditory Sculpture, and Dan Reed, guitar player for the extinct Dan Reed Network and now a member of Odyssey. They're going to jam out electronic style, which threatens to be rather interesting being as that one doesn't see too many electro-jams. Plus, it'll be nice to see people jam who actually know what they're doing--as opposed to another night in the basement listening to your friends Jimbo and Fred say, "Oh yeah, listen to this riff, yeah, check this shit out," ya know? KS

MONDAY 12/11

764-HERO, THE SWORDS/PROJECT, CARISSA'S WIERD

(Lola's at the Crystal) The 764-HERO is one of the few bands of today that can still get away with playing indie rock without sounding derivative or dated. It's like they invented it, really; they layer distortion with melancholy, like the next Built to Spill (and I don't mean that in a condescending way at all). Carissa's Wierd are quiet and beautiful, taking understated guitars, violin, drums and voices and turning them into the saddest songs you ever heard in your life. Seriously--they make Nick Drake seem positively jolly. You must see them, but don't drink too much beforehand, lest you find yourself crying in an alley later. JS

TUESDAY 12/12

BLOODHOUND GANG, GOLDFINGER, A, SWERVE

(Roseland) Like a potty-mouthed, frat-uous Ween or the Jerky Boys with a karaoke machine, Bloodhound Gang turn out gleefully lobotomized joke-rock that wallows in its lack of political correctness like a pig in poop. Frontman Jimmy Pop Ali is that horny, precocious latchkey kid who watched way too much cable and threw rocks at girls he liked, and on Hooray for Boobies and One Fierce Beer Coaster, he turns out songs with titles like "A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When the Stripper Is Crying" and "I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks" that, alas, make you chortle in spite of yourself. The hump-happy video for "The Bad Touch" ("You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals...") managed to offend Frenchmen, homosexuals, and even monkeys in under three minutes. If that's not talent, I don't know what is. LEAH GREENBLATT

Z100 JINGLE BELL STARRING K-CI & JOJO

(Crystal) Y'all better be waiting by the phone with your radio tuned to Z100 if you want to see K-Ci and JoJo at this year's Jingle Ball. You see, Z100 is hoarding all of the tickets to give away to their listeners. They don't know that we've been listening to K-Ci and JoJo's silky R&B harmonies since the Jodeci days. So get on the horn if you want to see the brothers perform last year's hit "All My Life" and the single "Crazy" from their new album It's Real. How deep is your love? JESSICA TROIANO

WEDNESDAY 12/13

MERCURY HOLIDAY PARTY STARRING CADALLACA, THE DISAPPEARER

(The Spare Room) There are so many reasons to attend our holiday party. The first: we like to drink. We like to drink with people. You are people, and we like you. So COME DRINK WITH US! Another reason: CADALLACA, that hottie Portland trio starring root-tootin', back-alley bad girls Kissy, Dusty, and Junior. Their music, resplendent with organs, drums, great hooks and two of the most awesome, interesting-timbered voices, will make you feel like you're chillin' with Ronnie Spector and smokin' 'grits after school! The Disappearer features Steve (who not only plays in The Dimes, but has been known to grace a stage with an acoustic yours truly on occasion) on tiny, crackly, pained vocals/guitar; Katie (also of The Dimes) on clear, soaring vocals and unflinching drums; and Jon, IPRC Writing Group motivator and Mercury contributor, on bass and punk dirge yellin'. They're so emo, and they cover a song from Kiss Me Kate! Another reason to come to our Holiday Party: THE SPARE ROOM. It is like a little piece of Vegas in North Portland: permanently flashing Christmas lights, Keno, a bar lit by green track lighting. So please come and help us celebrate, even if you're an atheist (maybe especially if you're an atheist). JS

SHTIL, MAYN CORAZON

(Mittleman Jewish Center) It's a Yiddish Tango Cabaret. Need I say more? JS

GOING TO SEATTLE?

Fri 12/8: 764-HERO (Paradox); Aimee Mann, Damien Jurado, Crooked Fingers (HUB Ballroom)

Sat 12/9: The Gimmicks, Boss Martians, Goddamn Gentlemen (Breakroom); QUIET RIOT (Jimmy Z's)

Mon 12/11: Luther Vandross (Paramount); Solenoid (I-Spy)

Tues 12/12: Sick Bees, Selby Tigers (Crocodile)

For more info, visit www.thestranger.com