THURSDAY 12/19

Best record released in 2002 for Thursday drinking/ Dominos tournaments: Last of the Juanitas Time's Up (Wäntage USA)

NORTH PORTLAND BIKEWORKS BENEFIT SHOW STARRING THE HAGGARD, GUESTS
(Meow Meow, 520 SE Pine)
Out of all the bands in Portland, I can't think of any that represents "the bicyclist lifestyle" better than political punk duo The Haggard, starring the tuff shizz of sts (drums, vox) and Emily (guitar, vox). Actually, I can't imagine anyone else in all of America who represents "tbl" better, except maybe This Bike is a Pipe Bomb, and that's mostly cause their name is This Bike is a Pipe Bomb. The Haggard not only has lyrics about the political imperativeness of bikes ("more bike lanes/less roadways"; "bikes are the most efficient machinery"), but as legend has it they have executed a biking tour across North America, into South America, and like, biked across the Bermuda Triangle. The only other Portland act with this much dedication and love for biking would be the one-off hiphop group Female MC and the Shit iz Real Click, who had a short-lived but popular track entitled "Bike Punk, PDX OR." Of course, The Haggard make a hardcore racket with throat-punching low grunts nestling glass-shattering screams, so if this is a contest, they totally win. Regardless, North Portland BikeWorks is located at 3951 N. Mississippi, and will help you fix your bike. JULIANNE SHEPHERD

THE DOLOMITES
(Bitter End, 1981 W Burnside)
You may know the Dolomites as the klezmer circusy variety show that plays all over town, all the time (although not of late 'cuz they've been on tour). Anyhow, whether you find them irritating, downright annoying, or joyful and entertaining, this is one of their last shows in their present incantation, with crazy- haired, crazy-eyed Stevhen Iancu as their magical frontman (he's the one who does the science experiments). He's moving to old NYC to play with the Reverend Glasseye and his Wooden Legs, and is threatening to start a new Dolomites out East... but if you're sentimental for the way things were, it's time to see them now. Plus, if you have people visiting, the Bitter End is a clean, mellow bar and the Dolomites are a weird spectacle they just might enjoy. KATIE SHIMER

PETE KREBS, THE DECEMBERISTS, DAVID DONDERO, MICHAEL JODELL
(Blackbird, 3728 NE Sandy)
Going to a show like this can almost be classified as a sign of maturity. Then again, it might be great to get old and have your shit a tiny bit together. Not to say that these acts are old. But if you took your mum, she'd probably be stoked and proud of you and get a crush on one of the singers. Pete Krebs plays a cheerful brand of slightly countrified soft rock that appeals to the Tom Petty-ish vibe of long trips down agriculture-lined freeways. The Decemberists are one of Portland's most adored groups, even though they are so syrupy and exquisite that appreciating them means being comfortable with the part of you that's a big fat sucker. Nonetheless, they've won over the most hard-hearted detractors of anything that could be remotely, tangentially related at all to the genre of folk rock. MARJORIE SKINNER

COCAINE UNICORN, THE LIONS, THE ODDITORS
(Berbati's, 231 SW Ankeny)
See Music pg 15

FRIDAY 12/20

Best record released in 2002 for Friday debauchery/hoeing around: Yeah Yeah Yeahs Self-Titled EP (Touch & Go)

THE SHOEGAZER'S BALL STARRING HIGH VIOLETS, THE UPSIDEDOWN, NORDIC, SILVER SURFER, CHARMPARTICLES, THEBROTHEREGG
(Fez Ballroom, 316 SW 11th)
A decade ago, Brit-centric shoegazer was alt-rock's beautiful swan, only to be trampled underfoot by the giant grunge beast. Kids were soon trading in their striped crew longsleeves and long, wispy locks for flannel and even longer, dirtier hair. The Shoegazer's Ball revives the sound of lead grey skies, high-towering spires and endless lost-love ruminations. Featuring The High Violets (whose 44 down EP garnered as much CMJ action as My Bloody Valentine got back in the day) and the fabulous, invisible Silver Surfer, the Ball marks the release of the NW Shoegazerbliss compilation. In the heyday, the question was "Are they shoegazer bands because they look down all the time, or is it because they're so bleedin' introspective?" Now we have the irony of a bunch of Northwest bands aping shoegazer in the former land of grunge. At least these bands are copping a challenging sound as opposed to the au courant blandness of fashion-garage and 100% imitation new wave. TED THIEMAN

J-LIVE, BOOM BAP PROJECT, THE LAB, DMP, DJ WICKED
(Ohm, 31 NW 1st)
A friend put it best: Destro and Karim, the MCs in Seattle's Boom Bap Project, are like the "boys next door of hiphop." It's true; with easy flow and a welcoming stage presence, Boom Bap possess all the hiphop bravado that is so necessary to maintain audience attention, but none of the off-putting cocksureness that unchecked bravado can devolve into. Their live show is like they invited you over to their house, recalling the feel-good, stress-free, atmosphere of late-'80s hiphop like De La. You know you miss it. To further that vibe is J-Live, whose 2002 All of the Above--produced by fellow Brooklynite DJ Spinna--keeps a true-school intelligence. JS

TRIBUTE: DONALD GLAUDE, GRAHAM FEE, JOE NASTY, BRENT KETTNER, TAHP, WIGGLES
(Panorama, 341 SW 10th)
It's Donald Glaude's BIRTHDAY! No telling on his age, but the Seattle-based, Moonshine-affiliated DJ has been spinning/producing all brands of populist house and sassy dnb since the early '90s. No doubt tonight will have a celebratory angle, if you can get more celebratory than straight-up house. (Though some house divas sing the blues, is there a tempo more joyous than the beats in house music?) Graham Fee spins trance and electro, FYI. JS

NORFOLK & WESTERN, BUILT LIKE ALASKA, JOHN VECCHIARELLI, TRACKER
(Blackbird)
Norfolk & Western's music is like solid, quality oak furniture. Their technical prowess is particularly striking, to the point that their recordings sometimes sound a little too-souped up and distant. Thus the beauty of live music's rawness. A word to the fidgety and ADD-afflicted: These guys like to take it slow. The delicacy of the songwriting demands a little extra attentiveness. Attention is rewarded by their rather innovative style, which is less country than rural-sounding. Yet, despite the cozy connotations of fireplace serenades, there is an underlying spookiness to the music, adding a tension to the otherwise gentle, sleepy sound. MS

GRUESOME GALORE, THE STRAND
(Vendetta, 3957 N. Mississippi)
Oh, the possibilities of a new club. Who will spill the first beer, christen the bathroom, get 86'd? It's all so exciting, like a race! Vendetta isn't officially opening just yet, but they're throwing a preview party to give us a taste of things to come. Who knows what kinds of shows will end up there in the future, but they're starting it out with Gruesome Galore's retro-sounding hair rock with lots of "oh yeahs." Joining them is The Strand, who are kind of scary. Their industrial, livid-sounding music is generally hostile, but that stuff's fun. What's weird is that their philosophy is inspired by koosh balls. MS

01 (POP MUSIC), DJ BROKEN WINDOW
(Delta Café, 4607 SE Woodstock)
See Music pg 15

JOLENES PIRATE PARTY STARRING CAPTAIN BOGG & SALTY
(Dante's, 1 SW 3rd)
Like peanut butter and bananas, not much goes better together than driving girl pop (Jolenes) and pirates. Plus, if you're looking to suppress your holiday depression with some meaningless sex, people look a lot more attractive when you're wearing an eyepatch. It's something about the lack of depth perception. Captain Bogg & Salty is part retarded and part fun and hilarity. They sing shout-out style, "There is scurvy on a pirate ship... EAT A LIME!" It's sort of like kid's music for adults with a sense of humor or a lot of drinks in them. But I will say, picking up their CD Bedtime Stories for Pirates would be a really good idea for your nephew, younger brother, or your pirate-obsessed drinking buddy. KS

SATURDAY 12/21

Best record released in 2002 for getting aggro on a Saturday: El-P Fantastic Damage (Definitive Jux)

ELEVATED LEVELS STARRING DJS THE EVIL ONE, SNEAKERS, GUESTS
(La Bella Napoli, 225 SW Broadway)
You have absolutely nothing to lose by checking out this night of deejayed hiphop, because there is no cover. Okay, maybe you have bus fare to lose, and it's possible that you could lose your legs if you get run over by a truck trying to cross Burnside, but I'm not held responsible for that. You could also lose your money and credit cards if you get mugged, or an earring if it's not all the way fastened when you leave the house. What you are sure to gain, however, is the enjoyment of at least a few underground hiphop cuts by the two most smartly named DJs in town, DJ Sneakers and The Evil One. I love it. KS

TOO $HORT, ANDRE NICKATINA, COOL NUTZ
(Roseland, NW 6th & Davis)
I really believe that West Coast rap is better than East Coast shit. I know there are some great rappers from the east like RZA, Public Enemy and EPMD, but in general the East has nothing on the West. With talented rappers like Eazy E, Ice T, Tupac, and the legendary Too $hort killing it with their dope ass rimes, I can't believe that the East Coast can even say they are better. And no, I am not an expert on rap. I am a white kid who grew up listening to metal, but that doesn't stop me from having an opinion about this shit. So now its time to support the West Coast and go see Too $hort because he is going to fuck shit up and take names later. CHRIS REED

SAMEUNDERNEATH TOY BENEFIT STARRING QUIVAH, MADGESDIQ, MIC CRENSHAW(Ash Street, 225 SW Ash) Tonight's your last chance to contribute to local clothing line Sameunderneath's toy drive (all toys donated to Doernbecker Children's Hospital), as well as a damn fine opportunity to see some local hiphop in an ordinarily rock-oriented downtown venue. Be sure not to miss Madgesdiq, whose new material is lazy and cocksure, with plenty of odes to the consumption of marijuana. Not to accuse or encourage or insinuate that anyone do anything illegal. This is about the children. MS

TENDER BUTTONS, HEADPHONE
(Blackbird)
Radly, Headphone will send you spiraling into MIND CRYME! Including just two young boys from Olympia who used to be/are still in famous punkers Necktie Party, the duo turns keyboards, vox, and drum machines into a flaming ball of death-metal influenced, hardcore-luvin dance music. It is très effing tuff, and walks this tightrope between noise and electro party bangers. Sound weird? It's not. It makes perfect sense, and you'll dance your little tail feather until the sweat from your butt remedies Oregon's drought. Tender Buttons apparently includes members of the awesome SoCal gothy art-punks Kill Me Tomorrow. JS

EVERCLEAR, FLIP, LONGSHOT
(Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside)
It's easy to forget in the wake of Everclear's pop saturation that older songs like "Heroin Girl," with their punk-grunge fused electric guitar riffs and simplistic, but bruisingly confessional lyrics, were once actually kind of fresh-sounding. Or maybe they just seemed that way because I was 16 and ready to be sold on anything my local NRK clone wanted to throw at me. Regardless, even if Everclear did once have a semblance of grit or originality (and for some, that is a BIG IF) they have since flushed it all down the toilet. Art Alexakis can probably still craft a decent pop ditty, but his band's sound is old, old as the hills. Come see them if you want to remember a time when you could listen to this kind of music without horking. You'll get over it real quick. JUSTIN "WEST COAST" SANDERS

SUNDAY 12/22

Best record released in 2002 to get both contemplative AND dramatic to: Mirah Advisory Committee (K)

AVENUE OF THE STRONGEST, EYES OF AUTUMN, WET CONFETTI
(Blackbird)
See CD Review pg 15, MWBW pg 13

WARSAW POLAND BROS
(Dante's)
Arizona's top ska-punk-Celtic band blows through Portland for a sweet little blatfest in support of their new album, Pimpin' on Crutches. Sounds like a winner. J "WC" S

JASON TRAEGER, DENNIS DRISCOLL, AL LARSEN
(Meow Meow)
My mother loves Dennis Driscoll. Dennis is that quirky friend you had in junior high school that your mother still asks you about--a soft-spoken fount of serotonin-soaked innocence. A month of summer love spent to the soundtrack of his acoustic ballads fashioned a journal's worth of unrivaled wonder and hand-linked charm. My mother is particularly fond of Voices in the Fog, Driscoll's latest release on the newly invigorated K Records, which features collaborations with Mirah and the Blow's Khaela Maricich (my mother's personal favorite). She says he sounds like the Monkees, but I personally see him floating somewhere in the incalculable space between Buddy Holly and Jeff Mangum--with a little bit of that Oly tape hiss thrown in for good measure. But you don't argue with my mother. ZAC PENNINGTON

MONDAY 12/23

Best record of 2002 for figuring out why you're here at all: Howard Hello Self-Titled (Temporary Residence)

WIVES, GUESTS
(Meow Meow)
The following story is a perfect example of both the inherent flaw and inherent beauty of word-of-mouth. So, we searched high and low for info on Wives and no one could tell us shit, including but not limited to: Dawn Riddle of Sour Grapes/DanceClub ("I have never heard them, but we're playing with them at Reed"); Nathan Carson of Point Line Plane ("I know that they just played in Sacramento with Phantom Limbs, Jonny X, and Corpse Fucks Corpse. Wish I could have seen that"); Nate B. of Jonny X & the Groadies (via email: "I haven't heard them yet, but we're in Sacramento right now and playing with them in two hours. George Chen likes them, and Themba likes them, too!") Okay, so supposedly, Bay Area prodigy George Chen (aka DJ Megaweapon) likes Wives. George Chen could not be located by press time, but co-runs the Zum magazine/label empire, and has good taste in music. And Themba, who is in somewhere weird like Yugoslavia right now and also cannot be located by press time, plays in The Intima and Liar Bird--both of which are excellent bands. He also has excellent taste in music. So check this shit out. I realize this is a rather lame recommendation for Wives, but really, we should all try new things. Besides, what the fuck else are you gonna do on a Monday before Christmas? JS

TUESDAY 12/24

Best record of 2002, possibly of all time: Deerhoof Reveille (Kill Rock Stars/5RC)

ECLECTIC ELECTRO STARRING SURROUNDED BY NINJAS, GUESTS
(Goodfoot, 2845 SE Stark)
Nothing beats a nice round of live improvisational electro lounge dub, and Surrounded by Ninjas are some of the best at playing live improvisational electro lounge dub in Portland. Of course, I can't really name offhand any other groups that play live improvisational electro lounge dub, but I'm sure that if I could they wouldn't be nearly as good at playing live improvisational electro lounge dub as Surrounded by Ninjas is. J "WC" S

WEDNESDAY 12/25

Best Wednesday record of 2002, especially the single "Make You Feel That Way": Blackalicious Blazing Arrow (Quannum/MCA)

DJ PROMISE'S XMAS: CLASSIC HIPHOP, DEEP HOUSE, SOUL BROTHERS W/TK & KARIM
(Madame Butterfly, 425 SW Stark)
Madame Butterfly consistently has some of the best and most diverse DJ nights around town. This is awesome, except for the fact that they don't have a frigging dance floor to speak of. Anyway, maybe tonight shit will get crazy cause it's Christmas, and everyone will shake it on the tables or something. DJ Promise gives the gift that keeps on giving: classic hiphop beats and deep house to pull you from the quicksand of holiday-expectation depression. And, as an added surprise, it's the Soul Brothers. See, the Baby Jesus doesn't hate you after all. Awww. JS