I need some help. I went to a rock and roll show this past weekend. It was very good. But I haven't gone to many concerts recently and there were several things I didn't quite understand. Perhaps you are cooler than me and can explain.

Question: Who gets the money tacked-on to the ticket price? In addition to the cost of the ticket ($22) and the service fee ($6) there was an order processing charge ($1.50) and a handling charge ($1.22). I printed my tickets at home, so I was the only person handling the ticket. Shouldn't I be paid the dollar twenty two?

Question: When people pump their fists, are they being serious? I thought that only happened on Jersey Shore. Am I supposed to do that? If so, are there any safety precautions I need to take to avoid pumping my fist into, say, somebody's ear?

Question: We were told by the rock and roll band to jump up and down. My calves aren't very strong. Am I supposed to jump the whole 2.5 minute song or can I give up when I'm tired? I don't want them to think I'm not trying.

More pressing questions after the break...

Question: Am I even supposed to say "rock and roll?" Is "rock'n'roll" better or worse? Is there some third thing I should say instead?

Question: Why do bands encourage people to clap to the beat when we've proven twice before that we are incapable of keeping steady time?

Question: Is anybody still being fooled by the fake encore? Let's say the band walks away and we don't clap. At all. Will they just stay gone and never play their radio hit?

Any help on these matters would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.