You're hanging around with losers. Your next grope session needs to be with someone who owns a copy of 'Liege and Lief.'

Please let that first comment not be ironic.

Dear Kathleen,

I read your column and wanted to let you know that had I ever tried to get into your panties through music, something I tired without success many times in my late teens and twenties (well, not your panties, but panties in general... erm various specific panties not belonging to you) and the subject turned to Bob Dylan, I would've informed you that Dylan pales when held up to the light of Townes Van Zandt and the Ballad of Pancho & Lefty is every bit the rebel's anthem as Like a Rolling Stone and then some, as well as tolerable in the original. Then I would've commented that the best songwriters are those that break genre boundaries and put on a copy of Tom Waits's Frank's Wild Years and, assuming you hadn't already run screaming out of the room or crossed your legs and raised your elbows into full creep-hands-deflection stance, would've attempted to snuggle up to you during Innocent When You Dream.

Which is to say, I was every bit the sexist jerk and clueless shithead when it came to women as the boys you came across during your formative years, for which I owe many women apologies, but #NotAllMen like Dylan.

Sincerely,
Some dude on the internets

PS Since you're name is Kathleen, I probably would've just tried singing Randy Newman's Kathleen (Catholocism Made Easier) at you, which would only have served to hasten your need to get somewhere else.