MARCH—Portland's favorite marching band, MarchFourth Marching Band, celebrates its seventh anniversary at the Crystal tonight, with two shows—an early all-ages show and a late show for the old fogeys. MD Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, 7 pm, $10 ($5 ages 5-12, FREE ages 4 & under), all ages; w/Saqi, 9:30 pm, $12-15, 21+

LAUGH RIOT—If you're still not hip to Portland's burgeoning comedy scene, bone up tonight at the E Room (has that phrase ever been written before?), with a showcase of established comics like Virginia Jones, Cody Smith, and Belinda Carroll, as well as a few newbies. AH Egyptian Club, 3701 SE Division, 9 pm, $5


GET RAW—Reed College's annual Reed Arts Week runs through Sunday, with visiting artists, workshops, and performances. Tonight artist Jonah Freeman screens his film The Franklin Abraham, imagining New York's Upper West Side as an endlessly expanding building. Masquerade ball and parade to follow, featuring Best Coast, Dublab, and Mean Jeans. SK Reed College, 3203 SE Woodstock, 5:30 & 9:30 pm, $8, all ages

WALLER STATUS—Don't worry, that faint feeling overcoming your body when you hear the voice of Holcombe Waller, it's natural. Few artists possess the pipes of Waller, and tonight he caps off the completion of his winter recordings (free download cards for all in attendance). Storm Large swings by for the early first show, and a few unannounced special guests will join him for the late performance. Smelling salts might be required to revive you when it's all over. EAC The Woods, 6637 SE Milwaukie. 7 & 10 pm, $10


EXTRA FRIES—Branching out from the all-ages clubs and house show stages, collaborative pop group Typhoon has set its sights on a far juicier music venue:  the Hawthorne Burgerville. That's right, Typhoon will shake their buns under the bright lights of Burgerville, raising cash for PDX Pop Now! It will be a show to relish. SM w/Yeah Great Fine, Ocean Age; Burgerville, 1122 SE Hawthorne, 7 pm, FREE, all ages

BEAUTIFY—Paul Hinojos has done time as a member of At the Drive-In, the Mars Volta, and Sparta, but now he's running the Portland outpost of the famed, über-hip Beauty Bar chain. Stumptown's own brand-new Beauty Bar opens its doors tonight with a party featuring guest spinners DJ Nobody and Hinojos' former bandmate Cedric Bixler-Zavala. NL w/Rev. Shines; Beauty Bar, 111 SW Ash, 9 pm, FREE

SWELL!—Celebrate the revamped Mississippi Studios' one-year anniversary, Swellebration, with a solid roster of local bands, including Sallie Ford & the Sound Outside, Dirty Mittens, Tahoe Jackson, Laura Gibson, and many more. And if that's not enough, the venue boasts a night full of "secret surprises" and "treats." RN Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, 8 pm, FREE


MUTUAL APPRECIATION—Fire up the nachos and the live blogs, because tonight is the night to stay in and watch the Oscars. See Avatar wipe the floor with the competition, make snarky comments about the actors' red carpet looks, and engage in half-drunken arguments about the whole self-congratulatory, glorious mess. It's tradition. MS On your ass w/nachos in hand, 5 pm, ABC, FREE

POP PLEASURE—The final member of the guilt-free pop trifecta—alongside Lily Allen and Robyn—British pop sensation Little Boots brings her roving dance party to Portland. While she might not have a Top 40 single in the States, I promise you every single damn song from her Hands recording is a hit. Like Nancy Sinatra (sort of) said: Little Boots was made for dancing, and she is gonna dance all over you. EAC w/Dragonette, Class Actress, Rude Dudes; Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE 39th, 8 pm, $15, all ages


PAST, MEET PRESENT—Chicago rap duo the Cool Kids relive the golden age of hiphop with retro beats and a laidback party vibe, but their tracks have spread like wildfire across the internet, encapsulating a perfect marriage between the then and the now. NL w/Pac Div; Roseland, 8 NW 6th, 8 pm, $18, all ages

GAITKSILL—After finishing a Mary Gaitskill story, it's tempting to write the woman a letter politely asking her to get the fuck out of your head. Gaitskill's writing is unsettlingly insightful and occasionally hilarious, and those strengths are on fine display in her recent story collection Don't Cry. AH Powell's City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 7:30 pm, FREE


HOOPS—In the ever-changing landscape of the Western Conference, teams like the once-laughable Sacramento Kings are now formidable foes for the Portland Trail Blazers. Led by superstar-in-the-making Tyreke Evans, the Kings are looking for an upset in the Rose Garden, while Portland is trying to make the playoffs and not lose yet another player to some debilitating injury. EAC Rose Garden, 1 Center Ct, 7 pm, $9-135, all ages, broadcast on Comcast SportsNet NW

DO ASK, DO TELL—Veterans, meet the gays. How great you both could make it! The Portland chapter of Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) hosts a panel discussion tonight on the future of America's Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy with special guests: people who were actually in the Army! SM First United Methodist Church, 1838 SW Jefferson, 7 pm, FREE


I SAW THE SIGN—Tour the neon signs of Portland by bicycle, and open your eyes to a world of radioactive splendor presented in Caslon Openface. Ride starts at 6:30 pm, but come early to eat pizza while blueprinting ideas for a "Go by Bicycle" neon sign in Portland. JC Old Town Pizza, 226 NW Davis, 5:30-8 pm, FREE

SAY ANYTHING—New wave rockers You Say Party! We Say Die! live just a short hop over the Canadian border, but they've been unable to tour the US the past couple years due to visa problems. Their new album, XXXX, is a jumpy, jagged dance party, so don't miss their welcome return to the States. NL w/We Miss the Earth, Tropical Depression; Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside, 9 pm, $10