KHAAAAAAANNNN!—Today's your last chance to catch the great 35mm programming at the Beer and Movie Festival, with screenings of 2001: A Space Odyssey, Boogie Nights, The Untouchables, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, Raiders of the Lost Ark, and Conan the Barbarian! There are no wrong choices in this scenario. EH
Academy Theater, 7818 SE Stark, $4, see Film Times for showtimes

BOOK LOVE—Hey, remember books? Literary Mixtape is your favorite writers sharing their favorite works from other authors on a tiny stage in a tiny bar with good drinks and attractive people. This month features Booker-nominated Patrick deWitt, plus bikey author Evan P. Schneider and Ex-Boyfriend Cookbook author Erin Ergenbright. SM
Valentine's, 232 SW Ankeny, 7 pm, FREE


A PRINCESS—Once again, Cort and (Merc staffer) Fatboy have lovingly lofted an old favorite onto the big screen for your pleasure. In this month of romantic introspection, The Breakfast Club could hardly be a more appropriate midnight movie to aid in analysis of how your adolescence led to your current bliss/predicament. MS
Bagdad Theater, 3702 SE Hawthorne, 10 pm, $3, 21+

THE ONE—A two-day display of over 100 rare custom motorcycles, this edition of the One Motorcycle Show (helmed by See See Motorcycles) also features custom-painted helmets, a surprise musical guest, and an opening party teeming with Portland's hottest riders, builders, and passengers. MS
Sandbox Studio, 420 NE 9th, Fri 5 pm-midnight, Sat noon-10 pm, FREE


DO IT ALL NIGHT—Hey, all you sexy mofos: The Spare Room is the place to drive your Little Red Corvette for a Valentine's dance fest by Erotic City, Portland's wonderful cover band of the Diminutive Purple One. It's Prince tunes all night, with more sexy dance moves than you can shake a crying dove at. CF
The Spare Room, 4830 NE 42nd, 9 pm, $5

SIDEKICKS—At worst, musical comedians are self-indulgent and annoying; at best, they're as adorable and charming as Garfunkel and Oates. The two ladies specialize in snarky, observant, YouTube-friendly songs like "Pregnant Women Are Smug" and "This Party Took a Turn for the Douche." AH
Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th, Thurs 8 pm, Fri-Sat 7 & 9:30 pm, $15-25


O DEATH—Nick Delffs concurrently worked on his Death Songs project while fronting the Shaky Hands, but with that band currently on hiatus, Death Songs—now the duo of Delffs and Justin Power—takes front and center. Delffs' expert songwriting is still to the fore, as evidenced on their new four-song 7-inch, out this week. NL
Rontoms, 600 E Burnside, 8:30 pm, FREE

RAIN OR SHINE—What better way to prove you belong in the great Northwest than biking 18 miles (or 45, for the showoffs) on a Sunday morning? Benefiting the Community Cycling Center, the Worst Day of the Year Ride kicks off early with a costume contest and ends with hot soup. CG
Lucky Labrador Brew Pub, 915 SE Hawthorne, 9 am, $38.50-49


DOGMA—Internet video group and collectors of godawful found footage Everything Is Terrible! recreated Alejandro Jodorowsky's 1973 art film The Holy Mountain, as the cringingly titled Doggie Woggiez! Poochie Woochiez! using dog-themed found footage. At last, it's a glimpse of the rarefied intersection where VHS meets vintage hippie mysticism and YouTube poop... with dogs! WE
Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, 7:30 pm, $8-10

DOGGONE GOOD—The string of great tunes by Philly's Dr. Dog just keeps getting longer and better with the release of their latest, Be the Void. Watching the melodious pop-rockers become headliners has been gratifying, as they're one of the best and most consistent bands in the biz. See 'em in a big room, where they belong. NL
Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, 8 pm, $17-19, all ages


ROCK PROM—Hey lover! While your actual prom may have been an emotional disaster, try this reboot on for size: The third annual Rock 'n' Roll Prom, featuring classic '50s and '60s rock covers from absolutely dreamy local bands Monarques, Radiation City, and Youth! (And try to dress the part, okay? You don't want to screw it up this time!) WSH
Rontoms, 600 E Burnside, 8:30 pm, $5

UNDER THE COVERS—It wouldn't be Valentine's without a terrible fight, then a make-up session soundtracked by sweet music. Watch this annual scenario play out in entertaining fashion with the Cover Lovers, a cover-band battle between Slang (Drew Grow and Janet Weiss) and the Strange Sugar Bomb. They'll each play covers of Paul McCartney, Tom Waits, Aretha Franklin, and more. CF
Club 21, 2035 NE Glisan, two sets at 8:30 & 10:30 pm, FREE


NO PRISONERS—Whip-smart comedian Amy Schumer cheerfully tramples the boundaries of good taste, telling jokes that'll make you laugh, then feel guilty for laughing, then feel like an uptight prude for feeling guilty about laughing. What more could you ask from a night at the comedy club? AH
Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th, Tues-Wed 8 pm, $20-25

PIFF—The annual Portland International Film Festival is back, and this year it boasts some of the strongest programming in recent memory. Your options today include Canada's Monsieur Lazhar, New Zealand's The Orator, and Chile's Bonsai—but see our story in the Film section for all the best picks. EH
Various Theaters, $9-10, see Film for more info and for showtimes