You have a LOT of long-winded opinions about Portland, don't you? OF COURSE YOU DO. However, can you compress those many opinions into a single haiku? LET'S FIND OUT!

It's the Mercury's "Sum Up Portland in a Haiku" Contest! And all you have to do is send in one haiku that perfectly sums up the city in which we live. If yours is the best, you'll win $100 cash money! Meanwhile, the second place winner will receive $50, with the third place recipient taking home a can of Hormel Chili and a box of light bulbs. (But that's not all! Our top three winners, along with select "Honorable Mentions," will run in a future issue of the Mercury! W-O-W.)

For those who failed 10th grade English, a haiku is a form of traditional Japanese poetry featuring three lines containing 17 syllables total, in a 5, 7, and 5-syllable format. Here's an example:

Portland, you haiku

Of cities. Arbitrary

Rules, no rhyme; reason.

Hey, that's pretty good. THINK YOU CAN DO BETTER? Then enter the "Sum Up Portland in a Haiku" contest by sending your submissions to (and put "My Portland Haiku" in the subject line). Your deadline is no later than THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 10. And no, this is not a joke! Good luck, you can do this!

The Mercury's "Sum Up Portland in a Haiku" Contest:

A haiku contest

For Portlanders who love to

Win money and bitch!