Hi. I'm Francine Colman-Gutierrez. Here are some things you are wrong about.

Old People: You're wrong. Some of them aren't creepy at all.

Daylight Savings Time: Wrong. You're not actually saving anything.

Your "Cool" Dad: He is so not cool.

"There IS Evidence for God" Billboards: You are very wrong about that.

Neko Atsume: Just like God, the cats aren't real.

McDonald's All-Day Breakfast: It's better than you could possibly imagine.

Megyn Kelly: Uh, guys? She still works for Fox News.

Raccoons: Not cute—their tiny hands are aberrations of nature.

Wine Gardens Taking Up Parking Places: Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.

Replying "K": Just a short way of saying, "You're not worthy of my time."

Mayoral Candidate Door Knockers: Tell your people they picked the wrong door, Jules Bailey.

Attending a Conservative Evangelical Church While Not Believing in the Core Tenets of Said Church: Pick a side, Jules Bailey.

Restaurants That Play Reggae: How could that be right anywhere in the universe? (Okay, fine... maybe in Jamaica.)

Enjoying Deadpool: You're embarrassing yourself.

"Pot Smells Good": Pot smells like ass on those days when my ass says, "Uggh. I smell like ass."

Broad City: Needs work.

Tina Fey: Needs work.

Meghan Trainor: She's a-mazing.

Men in Scarves: A noose would look better.

My Sister's Fiancé Ben: He's the worst possible choice you could make, sweetie.

Moving to Canada if Trump Is Elected: You would do no such thing, you fucking liar.

Voting for Hillary Clinton Solely on Her Promise to Declassify UFO Files: I can get behind that.