Hi. I’m Francine Colman-Gutierrez. And here are some things you’re totally wrong about in your teeny tiny bubble full of safe space.
“The Supreme Court will stop him.” No, they won’t. They’re all gonna bite it in, like, 15 minutes, and be replaced with judges from Law & Order. Wrong.
“Congress will grow some balls.” Every day Congress drops their balls off at the Congressional Ball Check so they won’t set off the Ball Detector. Ya wrong!
“He can’t possibly build something that costs $21 billion without our permission, right?” He has a big fat permission slip in the form of 306 electoral votes, you big dumb bag of wrong.
“Maybe a president who tells it like it is isn’t so bad.” Yeah. Maybe a butt that never stops spouting explosive diarrhea isn’t so bad either, Wrongy Hilfiger.
“The conflicts of interest will make him impeachable!” One of his advisers did a straight up, QVC-style commercial for his daughter’s bullshit clothing line where the only thing missing was a sassy spin and a popped hip. America doesn’t GAF, and you are a sad, sad, wrong person.
“At least Melania seems nice.” I hate you so hard.
“One of these tweet storms is finally going to go too far.” You mean like he might say that millions of “illegals” voted, or that he “just found out” that the ex-President of the United States illegally wiretapped his phones? You mean he might say some crazy shit there won’t ever be any repercussions for? You’re right. That might happen, Wrong Duck Dong.
“This Russia thing is going to take him down.” Someone could post a sex tape of him tossing Putin’s salad and half of America would say it was good for US-Russia relations. These are the salad days for stupid people.
“You can’t just overtly put a bunch of billionaires in charge of every government agency. America won’t stand for it.” But they will sit for it. Or get a sit-stand desk and sit for it part of the time, and stand for it the rest of the time. That might happen.
“We can’t have an administration that lies all the time. It’s un-American.” Have you ever read Facebook, Wrong John Silver?
“There’s some sort of presidential psychiatrist who will save us if he gets too out of hand.” Hahahahaha. Wrong squared.
“I’m having a super long bad dream where I go to work and see my friends and eat and drink and have Oscar Parties and go to the bathroom.” You are both awake and wrong.
“His hair will eventually eat him.” What’s wrong with you?