HISSSSSSSSS! Itās me, the Alien! Good to see you againāor should I say, good to scare you again! Haha! You know meāyour old pal the Alien! I do enjoy my fun! HISSSSSSSSS! No doubt youāll be scared witless while watching my new movie, Alien: Covenant! But the Alien has other ways to terrify you! HISSSSSSSSS!
ā¢ Letās say youāre making yourself a nice cup of Sleepytime Tea. How relaxing! But then... deep in the shadows of your cupboard... HISSSSSSSSS! Itās me, the Alien! Iām hiding in your cupboard! I would also like some Sleepytime Tea!
ā¢ Oh no! Your puppy, Mr. Snuggles, is missing! Then, from a pitch-black corner of your basement, you hear a soft, sad whimper... and HISSSSSSSSS! Itās me, the Alien! I have been petting Mr. Snuggles! Oh, he is a good puppy! Letās give him a treat!
ā¢ Your friend Tim comes over! You offer him a beer! You open the fridge and... HISSSSSSSSS! Itās me, the Alien! Iām in your fridge! Why didnāt you invite me over if you were inviting Tim over? Is Tim still pissed about that thing with Laura?
ā¢ You and Tim decide to watch some old Alien movies, such as Alien, Aliens, Alien3, and Alien: Resurrection. Do you mind if I stay? I promise not to talk during the movie! HISSSSSSSSS!
ā¢ Okay, great! So you, Tim, and me (the Alien) watch Alien3. But then... as youāre watching... you feel... something behind you. Is it... my lethally barbed tail? Is it... my acid blood? No! It is just my Alien arm, casually draped over your shoulder! Perhaps what scares you the most... is opening yourself up to the possibility of a relationship! With me, the Alien! HISSSSSSSSS!
ā¢ āIām not scared of being in a relationship with the Alien, I just donāt want to be in a relationship with the Alien,ā you say, and then you turn the page of the Portland Mercury. But there, in the News section... HISSSSSSSSS! Itās me, the Alien! āALIEN SCARES YOU!ā reads the headline! Unless News Editor Dirk VanderHart has, once again, IGNORED a MAJOR NEWS STORY thatās RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS FACE! HISSSSSSSSS!
[Editorās Note: News Editor Dirk VanderHart was eaten by the Alien and is dead.]