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Li’l Robert Mueller—the smartest boy in the third grade—was in his detective agency/club house when the door burst open.

“Li’l Robert!” gasped an out-of-breath Edwin Slatterby, a boy in Robert’s class. “There are shenanigans afoot!’

“I’m intrigued,” Li’l Robert said, neatly folding his issue of the Washington Post. “Tell me all about it.”

“Well,” Edwin breathlessly replied, “as you know, our teacher, Mrs. Rosetti, asked me to count up all the votes from today’s election for class president. But the numbers just don’t add up!”

“How so?” Li’l Robert asked, leaning forward.

“It appears that Bugs Meany—the class bully—received the most votes, which seems really weird. Nobody likes him! Also, while I counted 32 votes, there are only 24 kids in our class!”

“Hmmm...,” Li’l Robert replied, stroking his chin. “Were you in possession of the ballots the entire time?”

“Yes!” said Edwin emphatically. “Wait... now that you mention it, I did ask Tommy DuChamp to hold the ballot box while I went to the bathroom... and this may not mean anything, but after he returned the ballots, I saw Bugs Meany giving Tommy a king-size Baby Ruth!”

“I think I’ve heard enough!” Li’l Robert exclaimed. “I’m on the case! Stay tuned for my official report!”

Eighteen months later, on a warm spring day, Li’l Robert (who was now in the fourth grade) ran up to Edwin on the playground. “I’ve finished my report!” Li’l Robert yelled.

“What report?” Edwin asked, truly confused.

“The report on whether Bugs Meany fixed the third-grade presidential election, of course!” Li’l Robert declared excitedly. “And finally, I know the answer!

WAS THE ELECTION FOR THIRD GRADE CLASS PRESIDENT TAMPERED WITH?
SCROLL DOWN FOR THE ANSWER!


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“Oh, I’d forgotten all about that,” Edwin said. “Well, what did your investigation uncover?”

“It’s all here in my report,” Li’l Robert exclaimed. “Unfortunately, Mr. Belgeddi, the school principal, won’t let me reveal the results of my probe. Apparently he’s dating Bugs Meany’s mom or something. Of course, you could ask the school board to subpoena Mr. Belgeddi and force him to release my report, but they’re pretty slow about things, and probably wouldn’t get around to it until we’re in the sixth grade.”

“Dude...” Edwin said with exasperation. “Bugs Meany doesn’t even go to this school anymore. What a fucking colossal waste of time!”

“Not so, old chum!” Li’l Robert beamed proudly. “For this has been another case cracked by me: Li’l Robert Mueller, Boy Special Prosecutor!