Today in "Whoops!": A kidnapped British aid worker may have been killed by an American rescuer's grenade. Ummm... whoops.

Microsoft introduces their new Windows Phone 7 operating system, which they hope will make them look less like the fat conservative guy, and more like the hip skinny guy.

Carl P. Paladino—the Republican candidate for governor in New York—successfully got our and other people's attention by saying a bunch of stupid homophobic shit. Congratulations!

Rescue operations are planned to start Wednesday for the 33 Chilean miners stuck underground since August 5. Read that again: AUGUST FUCKING FIFTH.

During a political rally, a protester threw a book and barely missed Obama. He was reported to have yelled, "You am a Socialist! And I don't know how to read these gol'durn things!"

Google is testing cars that drive themselves. I'm testing bikes that ride themselves (by pushing Sarah Mirk's bike down a hill).

A hearing-impaired 10-year-old girl with a prosthetic leg has gone missing in North Carolina; the mother is a suspect. In a related story, the entire reporting staffs of the Oregonian and Willamette Week are moving to North Carolina.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Cooler but sunnier too! 62 today and warming to 69 by Wednesday.

And finally, should Christians practice yoga? Sure, I would say it's fine... THAT IS IF THEY WANT TO SPEND ETERNITY IN A FIERY LAKE BEING SODOMIZED BY A PITCHFORK!!! (In a unitard.)