Syrian leader Basher al-Assad has a pretty good explanation for the existence of all those protesters who want the authoritarian regime to step down: "CONSPIRACY!!"

Meanwhile in Libya, the rebel forces are once again overcome by Qaddafi's far superior troops and lose a strategic oil town.

To the surprise of no one, high radiation levels have been found in the seawater near Japan's damaged Fukushima nuclear power plant.

Weak-kneed Democrats
hint they may agree to Republican-backed curbs on the Environmental Protection Agency.

The good news is that House Speaker John Boehner must also decide to compromise with Dems, or kiss the ass of the Tea Party and force a government shut-down.

A killer whale that killed his trainer last year at Sea World is returning to his job today. In a related story, R&B singer Chris Brown performed on Dancing with the Stars last night.

Google has settled with the federal government, admitting it violated its own privacy rules during last year's launch of the failed social networking service Buzz. Anything named "Buzz" deserves whatever it gets.

What?? Kevin Federline to be a father for the fifth time?? HIS SPERM WON'T STOP!!

Speaking of WON'T STOP!! Comedian Kathy Griffin dances topless—without makeup—on the side of the road in Miami. Do not click this unless you want to see the NSFW awful truth.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Brief showers and goddamn balmy today with a high of 60. And it's shaping up to be a nice weekend, too!

And finally, want to see Britney Spears bungee jump in a porto-potty? YES, YOU DO!!!