It's for reals: Obama is running again for president. (Shock! Plop.) Here's his first campaign video.

Meanwhile in Iowa, Michele "HI! I'M BATSHIT CRAZY!!" Bachmann is making a big splash with the Teabagging faithful.

Officials have found more bodies in the underwater wreck of the 2009 Air France flight that killed 228 people, but won't comment on the state of the bodies because it's "inappropriate," and no one really wants to know.

Stuck with 11,500 tons of radioactive water, the Japanese look around to see if anyone is watching, and then dump it into the ocean.

On April 19, one company is scheduled to hire 50,000 workers in one day—and… aww, crap. You guessed it. McDonalds.

An advertising company has been robbed of thousands of email addresses—possibly including yours. If you get an email from Citigroup, US Bank, or Capitol One asking for any personal information, don't give it to them!! (If fact, just give it to me for safe keeping.)

Sources say that Katie Couric will be leaving the anchor job at CBS Evening News—wait. CBS still has a nightly newscast?

Charlie Sheen's "My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat is not an Option" tour BOMBS on night one—but receives a standing "O" on night two. Still not gonna see it!

Police believe the star of a torture/killing snuff flick may be hiding in the Portland area. Nobody agree to be in any movies for at least a week!

Here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: It's gonna be a shitty soaking week—but a possibly dry weekend is on the way!

And finally, here's your "probably true headline of the day:"