Put a little goose-step in your Arab Spring. The cowboy behind Blackwater is building a large special-ops army for the United Arabs Emirates—a staunch U.S. ally—training and recruiting hundreds of foreign soldiers whose main mission will include counter-terrorism, but also stamping out any and all revolts.

Now that we've pawed through Osama bin Laden's alleged porn stash (isn't it almost too textbook as smear campaigns go?), it's time to find out who gave him all the money to buy the porn. And also to plot and wage a worldwide campaign of fear and sometimes terrorism.

Happy birthday, Israel! The party was marred by the deaths of a dozen or so Arab protesters, many of whom gathered at Israel's borders and then scuffled with Israeli soldiers.

The meltdown crisis in Japan is still really bad and, actually, is probably still getting worse. Two more melted reactors were uncovered.

The head of the International Monetary Fund—also a potential Socialist presidential candidate in France—was pulled off his plane after a Manhattan hotel housekeeper said he chased her down a hallway while naked, and then sexually assaulted her.

Homelessness and poverty marching ever upward. Meanwhile, much of the federal money—hundreds of millions—allotted to help blunt that dispiriting trend has spent years mired in thousands of stalled or abandoned projects spread all around the country.

Not running for president? Mike Huckabee.

Possibly running but now, also, possibly entangled in a sex scandal? Rick Santorum.

Sorry Cajuns! To spare New Orleans and Baton Rouge from the rising Mississippi, federal engineers have opened up long-closed floodgates farther upstream, swamping thousands of acres of, y'know, swampland.

Reason No. 3,458,699 it's better to be rich and/or famous: The credit bureaus will deign to give you a reach-around when they rudely and abruptly bend you over.

Your cell phone is killing bees. Maybe.

If you really want this diploma bad enough, guy in wheelchair, you'll find a way to walk for it.