GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! This morning's Good Morning, News! is sponsored by... MOTHER NATURE! "Mother Nature... she'll fuck your ass UP."

A monster tornado ripped though the city of Joplin, Missouri last night leaving much of the town in ruins and killing upwards of 100 people.

Mother Nature also hits Sony hard, who, thanks to Japan's earthquake and tsunami posted a $3.2 billion loss this year.

Obama explores Ireland to get in touch with his Irish roots. (Wonder what the birthers are going to do with that?)

BTW, not even Jeb Bush wants to run for President. Does this actually mean the GOP is getting smarter?

Taliban militants fail in their attempt to take a Pakistani naval base. In your FACE, stupid Taliban militants!

That weird vagina hat that Princess Bea wore at the royal wedding fetches almost $132,000 on eBay.

Justin Bieber wins "Best New Artist" (??) at the Billboard Music Awards—but even more importantly, KISSES SELENA GOMEZ IN FRONT OF GOD AND EVERYBODY. (Let the Tween Fatwa begin!)

The Timbers remain undefeated at home, read all the juicy details from Saturday's game right here in Brian Gjurgevich's Blogtown Timbers Round-Up!

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Tiny sprinkles with sunbreaks today and tomorrow, with a cool and showery work week ahead!

And finally… guys! Being a TV reporter is really, really, hard! It's like super important to remember all those... oh, crap.... what do you call them? Oh. FACTS. Yeah. (P.S. She really needs to work on her self-esteem.)