GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! If ya got beef, then fool, eat a pork chop. Once I get it goin', ya know it don't stop. LET'S GO TO PRESS!

A Portland man is dead after a confusing confrontation between himself and police on top of a parking garage, where shots were fired by the cops and the man fell to his death. [UPDATE: The man was killed by police.] This is going to be the big story of the day (and perhaps week) so stick with Blogtown for the latest updates from the Mercury news team!

American commandos get in a firefight with Somali pirates and rescue two hostage aid workers that have been held captive for months. (All together now...) USA! USA! USA!

Egyptians gather by the thousands to celebrate the anniversary of the first protests that eventually led to the ouster of Hosni Mubarek.

Obama doesn't mention Mitten Romney by name, but spent much of his State of the Union address addressing the inequality of wealth that makes the rich (Mittens) richer and the poor (most of everybody else) poorer.

As it stands now, Mittens and Newt Swingrich are in a dead heat in Florida, with the philandering racist expected to win.

A University of Wisconsin senior associate athletic director has resigned after sticking his hand down a male student's pants in a failed attempt to grab his genitalia. What is it with you sport types??

The captain of the sunken cruise ship Costa Concordia admits that maybe running into a bunch of rocks was a "mistake."

Hat tips to Blogtown consulting detective and Kardashian family expert Graham for sending in this hilarious story that suggests Khloe Kardashian's real father might be her mom's hairdresser!

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Showers tonight and into tomorrow morning, and then a dry weekend ahead!

And finally, here's a cat watching you have sex. (Yes, the cat is sick... but you're sick for letting it continue.)