GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! I'm not being too dramatic—that's the way I gotta have it. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Things get even more tense between the U.S. and Egypt as our embassy there takes in two Americans to protect them from potential arrest.

Iraqi officials are PISSED by a small fleet of U.S. drones—supposedly there to protect our embassy. Hey, I thought all the drones worked inside the embassy, amirite, up high?

A day away from the Florida primaries, Mittens holds a slight lead—but all the candidates are already looking ahead to other states.

Speaking of dumbshits, the chairman of the RNC has compared Obama to the captain of the sunken Italian cruise ship. I'm sure the relatives of all those dead people appreciate that.

At least a dozen cars and eighteen wheelers were involved in a massive pileup in Florida over the weekend, in which 10 were killed and 18 were hospitalized.

Today in stories you don't want to read unless you're a masochist—there's this.

Ughh!! Here's another one.

WOW. Four hundred protesters were arrested over the weekend at Occupy Oakland after they trashed city hall—which is one sign that spring is on the way!

Also, could be trouble today in Washington, as Occupy DC is being threatened with eviction from their camp near the White House.

If you've got data stored on Megaupload, you could lose it all by Thursday. OH NOES!! MY NEW GIRL EPISODEZZZ!!!

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Showery on and off until Wednesday morning—but then? HELLOOOOO, SUNSHINE!

And finally, an accident at a Cincinnati construction site may delay a proposed casino there, and… LOOK OUT FOR THAT BUS!!! (The fun starts at the :30 mark, but PLEASE hang around for the rampaging bus driver who gives everybody at this press conference a piece of her mind!)