GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Ya got one, two, three, four, five, six pockets in a table. Pockets that mark the difference between a gentlemen and a bum, with a capital "B," and that rhymes with "P" and that stands for pool! LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Obama trots out his new budget which is projected to lower the trillion dollar deficit, and hopefully stabilize the economy by 2017—BUT NOT IF THE GOP (who hates J-O-Bs) CAN HELP IT!

Speaking of dumbasses, it's a snoozy week ahead for the GOP as there are no major caucuses this week—but that gives conservatives plenty of time to ruminate on how AWFUL Mitt Romney is.

After a failed peace-keeping mission from the Arab nations, Syria prez al-Assad says, "Mmmm... no thanks. I think I'll keep bombing the shit out of my own people."

Assassins target Israeli diplomats in simultaneous strikes today, and Iran is being blamed.

The son of Moammar Gadhafi is arrested after shooting off his mouth about "a new popular uprising" in his home country. And this is why rich kids should just snort coke, bang prostitutes, and keep... their mouths... shut.

Harsh new austerity measures in Greece inspire building-burning riots—which isn't very "austere" if you ask me.

Still no word on the exact reason for Whitney Houston's death, though her brother-in-law insists it wasn't a suicide, while officials suspect it was a Xanax/booze cocktail.

Accused child molester Jerry Sandusky has been allowed by a judge to see his grandchildren, and... did they get a say in any of this?

Child abuse advocates are protesting a film (starring Billy Baldwin) that's planning to shoot at a church where a chimo scandal took place. (NOTE: That's not our Baldwin. That's a different Baldwin. Are you up yet, Daniel? Yep.)

Samuel L. Jackson says he voted for Barack Obama because he was black—and because he wanted "these motherfucking honkies out of this motherfucking White House!"

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: On and off showers through the week, and don't forget that Valentine's Day is tomorrow! PANIC!!

And finally, Adele may have won every single Grammy ever last night, but fuck YOU, because Nicki Minaj won the POPE. Top it.


via Kaitlyn