A drug-crazed carjacker wearing only socks took his rightful place as king of Scottsdale, Arizona. First he took a Porsche, and wrecked it. Then, after taking off all his clothes and chanting—even climbing atop an SUV victoriously—he pulled a woman out of a Prius and wrecked that, too.

United Nations peace talks continue over the Syrian revolution, but with a warning: If they fail, diplomats intoned very sternly, the world could wind up watching the fight spread across the Middle East, a conflict of "grave severity." Aaaaand because Russia is Bashar Assad's sugar daddy, the chances of failure are high.

For the first time since shedding its monarchy in the 20th century, Egypt officially has a president who didn't emerge from its military. The military, of course, is still completely in charge.

The Affordable Care Act lives on, but so does the president's failure to tell Americans why having the thing around is much better than not having the thing around.

It's two days later, and Chief Justice John Roberts' healthcare-saving opinion has grown only more confounding for conservatives and liberals trying to declare a victory.

A homespun businessman trotted out by news networks as a Foe Exemplar of health care reform and other liberal ideas has been outed—SHOCK!—as a secret right-wing political operative.

Willard Romney boasts he's raised infinity dollars after the healthcare ruling. Barack Obama answers by claiming he's raised infinity plus one. And then sticking out his tongue.

Emails discussing Jerry Sandusky's shower rape may indicate Penn State knew the former coach was a pedophile long before the law got involved.

Lance Armstrong is in hot shit over new doping allegations by the US Anti-Doping Agency.

A French con artist known as "the Chameleon" conned an American family into thinking he was their long-missing son. It's a scam he's pulled many times.

This is the best thing you'll read all day. What happened when Atlanta vice cops asked their most trusted informer to help them cover up the shooting of a 92-year-old woman during a botched drug-house raid.

WE'RE SO SORRY WE DIVORCED WITHOUT GIVING YOU A SIBLING FIRST.