GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Oh girl, before the night is over, I bet, I bet I can make you sweat. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

An Army veteran (and possible white supremacist) went on a Sunday shooting rampage inside a Wisconsin Sikh temple killing six and wounding three. Warning: This story is terrifying.

The Syrian government continues to crack as the Prime Minister of the country defects along with other officials. (BTW, anybody got a couch they can crash on?)

NASA's Curiosity rover has a very iffy landing, but successfully touches down on Mars. BRING ON THE THREE-BREASTED WOMEN!!

Olympian Michael Phelps swears up and down he is D-O-N-E with this Olympic bullshit. (My words, not his.)

Mittens Romney outraises President Obama AGAIN for the second consecutive month. Why do we even bother with this voting stuff? It's just like when I was selling flower seeds in the second grade. Whoever collects the most money WINS.

The headline no one ever wanted to read: HILLARY CLINTON SWARMED BY BEES. (What exactly are we paying these Secret Service people to do?)

Not-so-happy birthday, A-bomb attack on Hiroshima.

As Sarah mentioned very early this morning, police have arrested one Occupy Portland squatter for "liberating" a duplex.

It's a 1-1 draw in yesterday's Timbers vs. Dallas game—which I guess is better? Check out all the hot live blog action from our Timbers Footy-Ball correspondent Brian Gjurgevich!

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Sun, sun, sun with a gradual cool down to the low 80s mid-week, building back up to scorchies by the weekend!

And finally, POP QUIZ, HOTSHOT! Does the following GIF depict a scientist celebrating the Mars landing of the NASA Curiosity rover, or me returning from my vacation? The answer may surprise you.