What Unites the Democrats? Fear, fear, fear!

Could Syria Get Worse? The good news is that the Red Cross is now allowed into Syria. The bad news is that If the rebels do get into power, the country could embark on a sectarian war of revenge.

North Korea Loosens Up: Informants inside the insane, reclusive state say the new Supreme Leader is introducing small agricultural reforms with traces of capitalism.

State of Unrest: A suicide bomber in Afghanistan kills 25 people.

Whattup, "Bowhunter"? The Secret Service's name for Paul Ryan is Bowhunter. Obama's is "Renegade."

McDonalds Goes Vegetarian: The "meat"-lovin' chain opens up a veggie only branch in India, where many people eat neither pork nor beef.

Pirate Booted: The imprisoned founder of Pirate Bay is being deported to Sweden.

The Endless Orgasm: There's apparently a terrible condition that can cause women to climax all day long.

Nicki Minaj's "Vote Romney" Lyrics: Proving that absolutely everything will be over-analyzed in an election year, reporters jump on singer Minaj's pro-Romney rap.

Nothing is Sadder than Elephants Dying. And that's happening in record numbers in Africa, where ivory is paying for warlords' weapons.

The End of Summer: Today is the first day of school for Portland's suburbs.

The Best Kind of Bribery: The parents of two twins handed out preemptive apologies on a flight.