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A member of the Capitol police has died from injuries sustained during Trumps domestic terrorist teams attack.
A member of the Capitol police has died from injuries sustained during Trump's domestic terrorist team's attack. Win McNamee/Getty Images

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Take all the money you want from me. Hope you become what you want to be. Show me how little you care, how little you care. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

• It was another barnburner of a news day yesterday as fallout continues following the failed coup attempt of the US Capitol by Trump stooges. Yesterday there were multiple calls from top Democrats and some Republicans for the president to be removed from office via the 25th Amendment, or impeached for a second time. Mama's boy/Veep Mike Pence was reportedly against removing him, so today Dems are hoping to take an impeachment vote by next week. Meanwhile, after a day of silence, Trump—who had previously been "pleased" by the attack—read a prepared statement condemning the chuds and acknowledging Biden's win... though he looked like a demon was trying to leap out of his skin.

• One Capitol police officer has died from injuries sustained in the chud attack—the fifth person to perish during the altercation.

• In any case, the Capitol Police force are in pretty deep shit for the way they mishandled the throngs of terrorists streaming into the Capitol—some armed with loaded weapons and zip-ties clearly intended for hostage taking. Besides far right online forums clearly indicating their future violent actions, the capitol police were clearly (perhaps willfully) unprepared, as some of the officers were seen standing aside to allow the interlopers into the building, and (WTF?) even posing for selfies with the chuds. (They're like a living advertisement for defunding the police!)

• Those who have resigned following Trump's domestic terrorist team's insurrection includes the Capitol Police chief, as well as Education Secretary Betsy DeVos and Transportation Secretary Elaine Chao, both of whom suddenly grew a conscience 13 days before they'd be leaving anyway. Profiles in courage, indeed!

• Washington's US Attorney has so far charged 55 Trump-supporting fascists with various offenses stemming from Wednesday's failed coup, including unlawful entry, assault, theft and weapons charges (one suspect was in possession of a military style semi-automatic rifle and 11 [!!] Molotov cocktails). AND DON'T GET YOUR HOPES UP, BUT... the US attorney also said they would not rule out pursuing charges against Trump himself for his role in inciting the attack.

• The most infuriating headline of the day (thus far): "Republican senators now regret not doing more to contain Trump." Maybe Satan will buy this pathetic excuse as they BURN IN HELL.

• A much better headline: "Internet detectives are identifying scores of pro-Trump rioters at the Capitol. Some have already been fired."

• Following the bad news of a new COVID national death record yesterday (more than 4,000 in a single day), something hopeful: The makers of the Pfizer vaccine say a new study indicates that their product will also work against the two new mutated coronavirus strains.

• More positive news: Now that Democrats will control the Senate, they are promising to send that $2,000 stimulus check you've been hoping for.


• Mayor Ted Wheeler is now walking back the harsh (probably unconstitutional!) recommendations for dealing with protesters who harm property, which included stiffer penalties and increased surveillance of known demonstrators. Again, probably unconstitutional!

• In other Wheeler news, the mayor was reportedly "swatted" night before last while eating outdoors at a restaurant in NW Portland after a group of critics confronted him. Our Alex Zielinski has the details.

• A Republican Oregon lawmaker, Rep. Mike Nearman, has been accused of letting a group of violent Trump chuds into the state capitol building on December 21, allowing them to breach a special session, terrorize lawmakers, and injure an officer. House Speaker Tina Kotek says they are exploring options on how to deal with Nearman after he put all their lives in danger. (Just spitballing ideas here... but maybe throwing his ass out of state government might be a good start!)

• Around 100 protesters, responding to the police shooting of a 26-year-old man who was killed during a mental health crisis, marched and broke windows at the Tigard police station last night.

• Let the bells ring and the confetti fall! Tickets are now on sale for the super sexy HUMP! 2021 Film Festival, featuring an array of hot 'n' horny amateur dirty flicks submitted by hot people like YOU. Get your tickets now!

• Now let's lift our eyes skyward for the WEATHER: Showers this morning and a mostly cloudy afternoon with a high of 49, but a much sunnier Saturday!

• And finally, in order to process all of today's news, I think there's nothing better than... a slammin' SEA SHANTY!