It just ain't summertime without some tunes. If you're like most people, however, you lack the skills to play in a real band. But that doesn't mean you still can't partake in a good ol' hick-style hoedown!

Step one should be obvious: You need moonshine. (The best stuff comes from anyone called "Grandpappy," but if you must, go to for some helpful tips.) Once the 'shine works its ethereal magic, gather up one of those "Portland Recycles!" tubs, a comb, and an empty whiskey jug, as well as a broom, some twine, and wax paper.

Take the recycling tub and flip it over. Stick the broom handle through it, and string some twine from the broomstick to the tub--now you've got a gee-tar!

Next, take your comb, fold a piece of wax paper over it, and hum--now you've got a her-monica! Finally, take that empty whiskey jug and blow over the top of it--now you've got an empty whiskey jug you can blow over the top of!

Finish up by taking off them city-folk shoes, sliding into some overalls, and hollerin' for your kin--you'll all be a-dancin' and a-stampin' your bare feet on the porch within minutes! (For true authenticity, remove a few front teeth. YEE-haw!) EH